These Top 25 Dirty Jokes are pretty great and pretty dirty! Everyone loves jokes. As they say, laughter is the best medicine. And yes, while clever and smart jokes are wonderful and so are silly jokes, there’s just something almost, raw and natural about a dirty joke.
Chances are, everyone’s told one at some time in their life. Even people who seem much too modest have probably told a dirty joke or two. That being said, there are still jokes out there you wanna be careful with whom you share. Sharing dirty jokes with friends is one thing. Sharing dirty jokes with your family or boss or random strangers? That’s a completely different situation and it could get you in trouble.
As long as you use discretion, you can even use the jokes to break up an awkward situation. So without further ado, here are 25 dirty jokes you may want to share with friends, but not your mother!
A Fishy Joke
Question: What do you call an expert fisherman?
Answer: A Master Baiter
Something to chew on...
Question: What does in hard and dry, but comes out soft and wet?
Answer: Chewing gum
There's a double meaning in there...
Question: What’s long, hard and erects stuff?
Answer: A Crane!
The probably hurts...
Question: What do you call a cheap circumcision?
Answer: A rip-off!
A bathroom joke....sort of.
Question: Why can’t you hear a psychologist using the bathroom?
Answer: Because the ‘p’ is silent!
You gotta move around for this joke.
Question: What’s the speed limit of sex?
Answer: 68, at 69 you have to turn around.
This does make a lot of dating sense.
Question: What’s the best thing about dating a homeless person?
Answer: You can drop them off anywhere.
A toasty joke!
Question: What did the toaster say to the slice of bread?
Answer: I want you inside me!
Yes, a dirty Elmo joke!
Question: What’s the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before leaving the factory?
Answer: Two Test-tickles
A crybaby joke...
Question: What do you call a man who cries while he pleasures himself?
Answer: A tearjerker.
An atypical bartender joke!
A woman walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a double entendre. So he gives it to her.
A mermaid joke...
Question: Why does a mermaid wear seashells?
Answer: Because she outgrew her B-shells!
A doctor's office joke...
A guy is sitting at the doctor’s office. The doctor walks in.
Doctor: “Sir, I’m afraid you’re going to have to stop masturbating.”
Patient: “I don’t understand, doc. Why?”
Doctor: “Because I’m trying to examine you.”
An animal joke (sort of...)
Question: Why do mice have such small balls?
Answer: So few of them know how to dance.
The smoking gun...
“How did you quit smoking?”
“I decided to start smoking only after sex.”
A handy joke...
I’m not sure how I feel about masturbation. On the one hand, it’s pretty great…
A pant problem!
A man goes to the doctor and says “I’ve got a problem, I have 5 penises.”
The doctor says “Wow, how do your pants fit?”
He replies, “Like a glove.”
A dirty story!
The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall. The owner asks the clerk, “What’s with that guy over there by the wall?”
The clerk says, “Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn’t find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative.”
“You idiot! You can’t treat a cough with laxatives!”
“Oh yeah? Look at him, he’s afraid to cough!”
A dirty Rubik's Cube joke...
Question: What does a penis and a Rubik’s Cube have in common?
Answer: The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
A dirty game...
Question: How is sex like a game of bridge?
Answer: If you have a great hand, you don’t need a partner.
Deadly but silent...
Question: What do you call someone who refuses to fart in public?
Answer: A private tutor.
Hot like a jalapeno!
Question: What do you call two jalapeños getting it on?
Answer: F***ing hot!
A seriously funny garden joke!
Question: What’s the best part about gardening?
Answer: Getting down and dirty with your hoes.
Out of business?
Question: What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?
Answer: Beat it. We’re closed.
A white horse falls into the mud...
There is no joke because that IS the joke!