Top 25 Reasons Not To Upset Chuck Norris

Posted by on October 24, 2011

Yes, we know, Chuck Norris jokes are oldschool. No one laughs at them anymore and we are a bunch of losers for even bringing them up. Fine, but don’t come complaining to us that you thought this was just a list of played out jokes – not that you would ever even make it to that point anyway.  For the rest of you…thats right, these aren’t jokes. They’re warnings. In fact, a better title for this list would have been 25 ways to stay healthy and live a long life.

Chuck Norris once killed 37 terrorists with only 2 bullets….the first bullet was a warning shot.


Chuck Norris grew a beard at the age of eighteen. Seconds.


Once, a cop pulled over Chuck Norris….the cop was lucky to leave with a warning.


Chuck Norris's e-mail adress is


Chuck Norris got into a knife fight. The knife lost.


Chuck Norris was dropped twice as a baby. First on Hiroshima, then on Nagasaki.


Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.


If they made a movie of Chuck Norris standing still, it would be rated R for extreme violence.


Chuck Norris does not have a middle name, nobody gets between Chuck Norris.


Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.


When Chuck Norris pokes you on Facebook you can feel it.


Fear of spiders is arachnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is claustrophobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic.


Chuck Norris can do a roundhouse kick faster than the speed of light. This means that if you turn on a light switch, you will be dead before the lightbulb turns on.


Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. Chuck Norris needs toothpicks.


It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.

David Pegg


After helping found the United Nations, the United States, and United Airlines, David consigned himself to a transient life of writing lists and sleeping on park benches.

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  • Manish

    Chuck Norris’s tears can cure cancer, too bad he never cries

  • chuck norris

    you imbeciles i will remove you from my list of creatures that i am letting live

    • Juan Castillo

      Oh No! It seems we have upset Chuck Norris! *Starts to run*

    • LOO

      Thanks I needed that.
      I feel much better after reading all about this kick ass dude THE CHUCK

    • I Like Poo-poo

      Wait, why isin’t the internet suppossed to be destroyed by now?

  • AJ

    Umm, not to spoil anyone’s day, but Bruce Lee fought Chuck and won. (And in RL, Bruce would have won too.) Bruce instructed several World Karate Champions including Chuck Norris.

    • James Smith

      Bruce and Chuck only fought in the movie. They choreographed the fight themselves. Bruce had to win because, as he explained, “I’m the star.”

      Bruce did not “train” Chuck Norris. The did work out together. Chuck Norris said, “No one trains harder than Bruce Lee.” Having been trained by Chuck Norris myself, I wonder if he meant that Bruce Lee trained harder than he does. Having been in his workouts, that’s hard to imagine.

  • Civic

    Chuck Norris once kicked a horse by the neck. Their descendants are what we now call giraffes.

  • Grace Blackwell

    Chuck Norris is the only person who can successfully divide by zero.

  • Unindoctrinated

    26 – Carlos “Chuck” Norris is a religious zealot who publishes some of the most ridiculous opinions you could ever read on WorldNetDaily, one of the least interested in reality Christian themed websites in existence.
    Yeah, he can/could look good in action films but that doesn’t make him praiseworthy. Yet somehow the jokes are still amusing…

  • Dicky

    list forwarded to Chuck Norris :D

  • Lisa Marie

    I do love chuck norris lists. I was having a crappy day and this made me smile. Thank you.

  • Howl

    Chuck Norris does not have a chin. Beneath his beard there is only another fist.

  • Jonas

    Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 40 terrorists. Then the grenade exploded.

  • Tassie Devil

    Chuck Norris makes onions cry.

  • Paulo Lima

    Chuck Norris went on Facebook uninvited.

  • McKay

    Chuck Norris revoked the periodic table because the only element is the element of surprise.

  • Eric M Jones

    This is the best chuck norris list yet

  • kevo

    another awesome list. with some fresh chuckie jokes