Top 25 Reasons Not To Upset Chuck Norris

Posted by on October 24, 2011
Yes, we know, Chuck Norris jokes are oldschool. No one laughs at them anymore and we are a bunch of losers for even bringing them up. Fine, but don’t come complaining to us that you thought this was just a list of played out jokes – not that you would ever even make it to that point anyway.  For the rest of you…thats right, these aren’t jokes. They’re warnings. In fact, a better title for this list would have been 25 ways to stay healthy and live a long life.
25

Chuck Norris once killed 37 terrorists with only 2 bullets….the first bullet was a warning shot.

24

Chuck Norris grew a beard at the age of eighteen. Seconds.

23

Once, a cop pulled over Chuck Norris….the cop was lucky to leave with a warning.

chuckwarning
22

Chuck Norris’s e-mail adress is Yahoo@ChuckNorris.com

21

Chuck Norris got into a knife fight. The knife lost.

20

Chuck Norris was dropped twice as a baby. First on Hiroshima, then on Nagasaki.

19

Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.

Pajamas
18

If they made a movie of Chuck Norris standing still, it would be rated R for extreme violence.

17

Chuck Norris does not have a middle name, nobody gets between Chuck Norris.

16

Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn’t nearly foolish enough to attack him.

15

When Chuck Norris pokes you on Facebook you can feel it

Chuck Was Here
14

Fear of spiders is arachnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is claustrophobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic

13

Chuck Norris can do a roundhouse kick faster than the speed of light. This means that if you turn on a light switch, you will be dead before the lightbulb turns on.

12

Industrial logging isn’t the cause of deforestation. Chuck Norris needs toothpicks.

11

It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That’s true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.

Evolution
10

That’s not Chuck Norris doing push-ups — that’s Chuck Norris moving the Earth away from the path of a deadly asteroid.

9

Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin that he built with his bare hands.

8

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

7

There is no ‘ctrl’ button on Chuck Norris’s computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

Chuck Control
6

When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.

5

There’s an order to the universe: space, time, Chuck Norris…. Just kidding, Chuck Norris is first.

4

When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris

Answer the Phone
3

Chuck Norris’s body temperature is 98.6 degrees… Celsius.

2

Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

1

Chuck Norris does not know about this list. If he did he would have deleted the internet.

David PeggAbout David Pegg

David is the editor-in-chief of List25. He has a Masters degree in International Business from University of Florida. He loves to break dance, do flips, play guitar, and everything else that is fun. Follow him on Twitter @iamdpegg

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Comments

  1. Civic says:
    May 16, 2013 at 1:48 pm

    Chuck Norris once kicked a horse by the neck. Their descendants are what we now call giraffes.

    Reply
  2. Grace Blackwell says:
    January 21, 2013 at 6:02 am

    Chuck Norris is the only person who can successfully divide by zero.

    Reply
  3. Unindoctrinated says:
    January 15, 2013 at 5:55 am

    26 – Carlos “Chuck” Norris is a religious zealot who publishes some of the most ridiculous opinions you could ever read on WorldNetDaily, one of the least interested in reality Christian themed websites in existence.
    Yeah, he can/could look good in action films but that doesn’t make him praiseworthy. Yet somehow the jokes are still amusing…

    Reply
  4. Dicky says:
    October 27, 2012 at 4:51 pm

    list forwarded to Chuck Norris :D

    Reply
  5. Lisa Marie says:
    October 26, 2012 at 5:24 am

    I do love chuck norris lists. I was having a crappy day and this made me smile. Thank you.

    Reply
  6. Howl says:
    September 19, 2012 at 2:23 am

    Chuck Norris does not have a chin. Beneath his beard there is only another fist.

    Reply
  7. Jonas says:
    March 30, 2012 at 11:25 am

    Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 40 terrorists. Then the grenade exploded.

    Reply
  8. Tassie Devil says:
    January 11, 2012 at 12:59 am

    Chuck Norris makes onions cry.

    Reply
  9. Paulo Lima says:
    January 6, 2012 at 10:00 am

    Chuck Norris went on Facebook uninvited.

    Reply
  10. McKay says:
    December 24, 2011 at 3:05 am

    Chuck Norris revoked the periodic table because the only element is the element of surprise.

    Reply
  11. Eric M Jones says:
    December 14, 2011 at 1:36 am

    This is the best chuck norris list yet

    Reply
  12. kevo says:
    December 13, 2011 at 3:32 am

    another awesome list. with some fresh chuckie jokes

    Reply

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