25 Witty But Cold Insults That Keep It Clean

Posted by , Updated on March 19, 2024

If you’ve ever just really wanted to knock someone out with a verbal left hook but didn’t know how to go about it, you’re in the right place.

The first rule of penning insults is to never use profanity. It actually cheapens the hit and gives your opponent a huge window of opportunity to curse you right back. Instead, resort to your wit.

Here are 25 witty but cold insults that keep it clean.



You look like something that I would draw with my left hand.

wow just wowSource: gotlines.com

I refuse to have a battle of wits with somebody who is unarmed!

i has the dumbSource: thoughtcatalog

If I ever said anything to offend you, it was purely intentional.

thumbs upSource: thoughtcatalog, Image: pixabay.com

I'm not saying that I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.

phoneSource: gotlines.com, Image: pixabay.com

In spite of what it did to you, don't you love nature?

natureSource: thoughtcatalog

I've seen someone like you before, but I had to pay admission.

credit cardSource: gotlines.com, Image: pixabay.com

You have the perfect face for radio!

radioSource: gotlines.com, Image: pixabay.com

You're not as bad as people say. You're a whole lot worse.

ouchSource: reddit

I'm not sure what your problem is, but I'd be wiling to bet that it's hard to pronounce.

burnSource: reddit

It's pretty easy to figure out when you're lying. Your lips are moving.

throne of liesSource: thoughtcatalog

Wow! You look like a before picture!

oh dangSource: gotlines.com

I wanted to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.

ya nastySource: reddit

I don't think you're un-intelligent. You just have bad luck when it comes to thinking.

facepalmSource: thoughtcatalog

Brains aren't everything. And, in your case, they're nothing.

no brainSource: gotlines.com

It's looks like your face caught on fire and somebody tried to extinguish it with a hammer.

yao mingSource: reddit

It's really great to see how you don't let your education get in the way of your ignorance.

the ignorance is strong with this oneSource: thoughtcatalog

They say that we all sprang from apes. As it stands, you didn't seem to spring far enough.

apesSource: gotlines.com

I'm really jealous of everyone that hasn't met you!

so jealousySource: reddit

Most people live and learn. Apparently you just live.

learning is not funSource: thoughtcatalog, Image: pixabay.com

There is only one problem with your face...I can see it.

he didn'tSource: onelinefun.com

So a thought crossed your mind? Well, that journey must have been long and lonely.

brainSource: oldquotes.com, Image: pixabay.com

It's amazing what you've done with your hair! How did you manage to grow it out of your nostrils like that?

nose-hairSource: reddit, Image: commons.wikimedia

Hey, there's something on your chin. No, no...the third one down.

he madSource: thoughtcatalog.com

They say that laughter is the medicine. Seems like your face is curing the world!

laughSource: gotlines.com, Image: pixabay.com

If you have enjoyed this list, take a look at 25 Incredibly Insulting But Clever Memes.


You were born on a highway right? Because that’s where most accidents happen.

highwaySource: thoughtcatalog, Image: pixabay.com