You know that email you sent to Susie? And she said she never got it? It must have been lost right? You probably put in the wrong address. It might have bounced back. But wait…it tells you when it bounces back doesn’t it? And you can check the address. Let’s just face it. She got it. And she ignored it. Just like you got that email from Tom and ignored it. Everyone does it but nobody admits it.
Someone hacked your twitter and posted that message right? That Facebook status was a “typo”! Every baby in a stroller is the cutest thing ever! It has to be! It’s a baby! And let’s not even get started on the shower. Everyone pees in it. Even if you don’t know it. You’ve peed in it. Stop defending yourself. Stop. The baby in the stroller isn’t cute. You got the email. It wasn’t a typo. You peed in the shower. You pick your nose. And you absolutely cannot be anything that you want if you just put your mind to it. That’s a lie we tell little kids to give them hope in a hopeless world. Sorry little kids, Santa is also made up. Now that you’re riled up, it’s a joke. We’re kidding. It’s called exaggeration. If you got upset reading this, you need to take things a little less seriously. Maybe go for a walk. And then come back and read about 25 things that everybody knows but nobody wants to admit.
Featured Image: Katie Tegtmeyer via Flickr