25 Hilarious Michael Scott Quotes

Posted by , Updated on January 18, 2024

Are you a huge fan of The Office? Okay, okay, who isn’t? But even if you’re one of those weird people who never saw an episode, you’ll be able to appreciate the humor of a TV show character that gave us some of the most memorable gems in recent history. These are 25 Hilarious Michael Scott Quotes!


"Society teaches us that having feelings and crying is bad and wrong. Well, that’s baloney because grief isn’t wrong. There’s such a thing as good grief. Just ask Charlie Brown."

Charlie BrownSource: imdb.com

"Nobody likes beets, Dwight! Why don't you grow something that everybody does like? You should grow candy."

candySource: wikiquote.com

"I love inside jokes. I'd love to be a part of one someday."

whisperSource: reddit.com

"It takes you thirty seconds to brush your teeth? Wow that's ten times as long as it takes me."

toothbrushSource: reddit.com

"Yes, it is true. I, Michael Scott, am signing up with an online dating service. Thousands of people have done it, and I am going to do it. I need a username. And I have a great one. Little Kid Lover. That way people will know exactly where my priorities are at."

good ideaSource: imdb.com

"You know what they say, 'Fool me once, strike one, but fool me twice...strike three."

questionSource: imdb.com

"I’ve got to make sure that YouTube comes down to tape this."

youtubeSource: reddit.com

"Now, you may look around and see two groups here. White collar, blue collar. But I don’t see it that way. And you know why not? Because I am collar-blind."

suitSource: reddit.com

"I’m an early bird and I’m a night owl. So I’m wise and I have worms."

owlSource: wikiquote.com

"Toby is in HR, which technically means he works for corporate. So he’s really not a part of our family. Also, he’s divorced, so he’s really not a part of his family."

boozeSource: reddit.com

"I am Michael, and I am part English, Irish, German, and Scottish...sort of a virtual United Nations."

unSource: wikiquote.com

"It's not like booze ever killed anyone."

beerSource: imdb.com

"I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious."

catSource: reddit.com

"My mind is going a mile an hour"

brainSource: wikiquote.com

"Abraham Lincoln once said, 'If you are a racist, I will attack you with the North,' and those are the principles I carry with me into the workplace."

lincolnSource: imdb.com

"And I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do."

shrugSource: imdb.com

"Guess what? I have flaws. What are they? Oh I dunno, I sing in the shower? Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me - no, don't sue me. That is opposite the point I'm trying to make."

showerSource: reddit.com

"Well, just tell him to call me ASAP as possible."

asapSource: imdb.com

"Two queens on Casino Night. I am going to drop a deuce on everybody."

poopSource: reddit.com

"It just seems awfully mean. But sometimes, the ends justify the mean."

mean faceSource: wikiquote.com

"When I said that I was king of forwards, you got to understand that I don't come up with this stuff. I just forward it along. You wouldn't arrest a guy who was just passing drugs from one guy to another."

drugsSource: reddit.com

"Presents are the best way to show how much you care. It's a tangible thing you can point at and say, "Hey man, I love you. This many dollars worth."

giftSource: wikiquote.com

“If I had a gun, with two bullets, and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice."

gunSource: imdb.com

"Sometimes you just have to be the boss of dancing."

dancingSource: wikiquote.com

"Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me."

heart hands cropSource: reddit.com

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