2019 is here. But, rather than the usual resolutions, I’m shooting for the strangest New Year’s resolutions this year. Here in Florida, it’s really nice during the first week of January. There’s a crisp breeze, but nothing extreme. I tend to do well on my resolution until the third week in January when the temp gets back up to the ’90s. And then it’s too hot to go out again till the next year. So, I’ve been thinking about abandoning the fitness plan this year. I don’t really have the time, anyway. Regardless, the point is, while broad, life-altering resolutions are easy to come up with, they’re, frankly, too hard. My plan is to attempt smaller, more specific, improvements. If you’re looking for bite size, and kind of weird resolutions, you’re more than welcome to steal one of mine. Some might be a little odd, but we’re living in odd times. Personally, I think that makes them appropriate. Here are the strangest New Year’s resolutions you should consider.
If you spend any time in an area with heavy foot traffic, there’s a good chance you been offered a large amount of flyers, inviting you to comedy shows or club meetings of some sort. It’s extremely tempting to put in your new, rich person AirPods, avoid eye contact, and scurry away. Resisting that urge is an easy way to open yourself up to new experiences in the new year. Even if none of the events peak your interest, you’ll probably be doing a big favor to the person passing the pamphlets out. Most of the time, they’re paid to stay outside till all their promotional materials are gone. They won’t care if the flyer goes directly into the garbage, no matter what they’re closer to going home.
Finish "Infinite Jest"
A lot of people will promise to “read more” in the new year, but I think getting a little more specific will increase odds of success. If you’re going to push yourself through a book this year, swing for the fences and choose something notoriously difficult to get through. Every English major on the planet has walked around with a copy of “Infinite Jest,” but it’s about time someone actually read the whole story. If David Foster Wallace isn’t your thing, there are other options to impress your less educated friends. I’ve heard great things about “Atlas Shrugged” and “Ulysses,” even though everyone tells me they’re only “like almost halfway done.”
Stop Killing Businesses
This one is mostly for my fellow millennials. It seems we’re blamed for the death of a different decades old industry every day. I don’t have a lot of sympathy for Sears, or the diamond industry, but there are some good companies we could do a better job supporting. Find local book stores. Skip a mediocre superhero film and go see community theater, instead. It can be tough to find, but there’s great stuff out there that’s not being sold by a company with a cartoon mouse mascot.
Get Better at English
Here’s a fun fact about me, the person writing this article; the other day a friend asked what the difference between effect and affect is, and I had to look it up. If you share this deficiency with me and my buddy, it’s probably worth fixing this year. Little grammar and spelling rules are bound to come up on a job application or professional email at some point. Personally, I think I’m one group chat typo away from being disowned by my English teaching mother.
Leave Your Pet Alone
This obviously doesn’t apply to all pets. There’s plenty of furry friends out there looking for attention 24/7, and they absolutely deserve it. From personal experience though, it seems like I need my cat’s company a lot more than she needs mine. This year, I’m going to try and give Lucina her alone time. If you have a more social pet, bring them to a park so they can make new friends. Everyone deserves a diverse friend group.