Florida is, without a doubt, the strangest, wackiest, and most bizarre state in the United States, populated by the wildest individuals imaginable. And it’s no surprise, given that Floridians have to cope with alligators, dangerous snakes, mosquitos, and such excessive humidity levels that you end up soaking wet after just a few seconds outside on a summer’s day. With the recent release of the Netflix series, “Florida Man,” we thought it was high time to bring you a list of the 25 most entertaining Florida Man headlines that have left us completely speechless.
Florida Woman Crashes Vehicle While Shaving Her Privates
We know this list is about Florida Man headlines. Still, in light of gender equality, we thought we’d give Florida Woman one honorable mention.
Megan Barnes was on her way to visit her lover in Key West with her ex-husband Charles Judy when she collided with another vehicle. The reason? She was in the process of doing some feminine landscaping as she “wanted to be ready for the visit” and decided to multitask by shaving her privates while driving. This may sound cringeworthy enough, but the story doesn’t end there. Because below-the-belt landscaping requires a certain amount of finesse, Barnes enlisted the help of her ex-husband, who was seated in the passenger seat, to keep the wheel steady during the most sensitive parts of the task. When the SUV in front of them slowed to turn, they slammed right into it. The incident caused minor injuries to the SUV’s passengers.
Florida Man Broke Into House, Masturbated, Pooped On the Floor, And Then Drank The Contents of a Vacuum Cleaner
The night was still in its infancy when Tony and LaDonna Land spotted a naked carnival worker, Gregory Matthew Bruni, on their roof way back in 2013. Bruni, 21, upon being noticed, assaulted Tony Land, wrecked the couple’s North Fort Myers home, lit fire to their toilet, rubbed filthy clothes in their son’s face, swallowed the contents of their vacuum cleaner, and then defecated and masturbated inside the house. In that order, more or less. Bruni was arrested and passed on to a nearby hospital for evaluation and treatment. Doctors reportedly told deputies they planned numerous tests to determine precisely what he was on. We have no idea what it was, and we don’t want any!
Florida Man With Drugs Around Penis Denies They Were His
Some people really don’t care who holds their drugs. And where…
In 2021, Pinellas County sheriff’s deputies stopped a vehicle that had been driving without its lights on. While searching the car, they found a gun under the passenger’s seat and also discovered several bags of cocaine and methamphetamine wrapped around the man’s penis. The man denied the drugs were his but had no idea whose drugs it actually was. Go figure.
He was arrested on four felony charges, including possession of cocaine, meth, ammunition, and a firearm.
Naked Florida Man Drove with Wires Attached to His Genitals
In 2016, a South Florida man got caught while driving naked through a neighborhood with children, with wires extending from his penis. According to one witness, the naked man, Kurt Jenkins, 56, drove past him, motioning for him to gaze toward his groin area. He noticed the electrical contraption with wires linked to Jenkins’ penis and might have let it slide had Jenkins not invited him inside. The witness (unfortunately for Jenkins) contacted authorities. Jenkins was arrested for exposure of his sexual organs, lewd and lascivious exhibition, and resisting arrest.
450 lb Florida Man Hid Coke and Pot in Fat Folds
In May 2014, Deputies from the Volusia County Sheriff’s Office stopped a suspicious vehicle after noticing the driver and his passenger looking extremely nervous. The big passenger, Christopher Mitchell, 42, told the Volusia County Sheriff’s Office deputy he was too fat to wear a seatbelt. However, upon closer inspection, they realized they had stopped a long-suspected drug runner named Fat Boy. While searching the suspect, the officers found marijuana nestled in the stomach folds of the 450-pound Florida man who also goes by “Biggie.” A total of 23 grams of marijuana was located under his fat.
Florida Man Once Arrested for Fighting Drag Queen with Tiki Torch Runs for Mayor
Some headings you can’t make up. A man from Wilton Manors, Florida, got into a physical altercation with a prominent local drag queen while dressed in an “ironic” KKK costume at a Halloween party in 2012. The brawl led to Boyd Corbin’s arrest for aggravated assault. The arrest didn’t stop him from running for mayor two years later. Or the following three times.
Florida Man Tells Deputies he wasn't Drinking while Driving. Just at Stop Signs
You never know who’s in the car next to you. A Florida man was arrested for driving under the influence after bumping into the car in front of him, but he told officers he was only drinking at stop signs and lights, not while driving. Earle Stevens, 69, was spotted in his car with an open brown paper bag containing a bottle of Jim Beam in the passenger seat. He told deputies he didn’t remember colliding with the vehicle in front of him. Stevens had never held a valid driver’s license in Florida and revealed to the officers that he took prescription medication before hitting the road. He was on a trip from Port St. Lucie to Indian River County.
Florida Man Drives Stolen Truck to Space Force Base to Warn of a Battle between Aliens and Dragons
In July 2022, Corey Johnson felt an intense need to warn the U.S. Government of its impending doom. He stole a Ford F-150 and drove it to a Space Force base to alert the government to the existence of mythical monsters. According to reports, Johnson told authorities that the president asked him to warn the government that U.S. aliens were fighting with Chinese dragons. To his great disappointment, he did not receive any thanks but was arrested and charged with grand theft of a motor vehicle.
Florida Man Breaks into Home, Cuts Man's Penis off, Runs off with Detached Penis
In March 2023, a Florida man held his wife’s lover at gunpoint and used scissors to sever the man’s penis before exiting the scene with the flailing member. Alex Bonilla, 49, was arrested hours later on charges of aggravated assault. According to reports, Bonilla caught his wife and the victim in the throes of passion a few months earlier. We have no idea if they ever found the missing body part.
Florida Man Repeatedly Calls 911 To Report His Stolen Marijuana
Only some 911 calls are true emergencies. A Pasco County deputy responded to a strange call from a Florida man who called 911 multiple times to report that his roommate had stolen his weed. While this might be legal in some states, recreational marijuana use is illegal in Florida. No charges were filed against the caller. However, they asked the man very nicely to please stop calling.
Florida Man Buys Porsche with Check Printed from Home Computer
A Florida man used cashier’s checks that he printed from his home computer in 2020 to buy himself a Porche 911 Turbo. Needing to look the part, he also tried to buy Rolex watches using the same checks, but authorities were alerted, and he was promptly arrested. Who would have thought it was so much easier to get a Porche than a Rolex?
Florida Man Insists Syringes Pulled from Rectum Aren't His
During the course of a strip search following his arrest on marijuana charges, Wesley Dasher Scott pulled out three syringes from his “backside.” Astonished Pinellas County cops looked on in surprise as the syringes were removed. The biggest surprise was that Scott claimed the needles belonged to someone else. Not only claimed. Adamantly demanded.
Florida Man Knocked Out Cellmate's Teeth Because He Kept Farting
In May 2021, a Florida man assaulted his 57-year-old cellmate, beating him so violently that two of his teeth were knocked out, and one of his ribs was shattered. When officers questioned him about the cause of his violent outburst, he stated that his cellmate passed gas too frequently and did not provide any courtesy flushes when using the toilet. The two were separated into different cells after the event.
Florida Man Caught With Genitals Out Said He Was Cleansing His Spirit
Why do the most bizarre things always happen in the middle of the night? One very early morning in May 2022, a Florida man was caught trespassing at a Mexican restaurant with open pants end exposed genitals. He told the responding officers that he was chanting and cleansing himself spiritually. Yeah, right…
Kenneth Grey was arrested and later convicted of prowling and loitering.
Lame Dad Joke Gets Florida Man Banned from Disney World for Life
In September 2015, one unhappy Disney World visitor loudly exclaimed that he could put up a meth lab in his home in the time it took to receive service. His comment proved to be a disastrous idea. Dawid Swindle’s remark resulted in a late-night raid by Orange County Sheriff’s deputies and Disney security, as well as a lifelong ban from Disney World and all Disney properties.
Florida Man Uses Private Plane to Draw Giant Radar Penis
Flightradar24 is an online platform that tracks aircraft flight routes in real-time. One evening in 2015, viewers found themselves looking at a very artistic performance when one bored Florida pilot decided to take a private plane to the skies and have some fun with it. We all know that children and the odd college student enjoys drawing penises in school. Heck, some grown guys do it in restroom stalls throughout their lives. This pilot, however, made the decision to use an aircraft tracking system.
Florida Man Gets Trapped in an Unlocked Closet for Two Days
This entry is about a Florida couple, but we just had to talk about it. Amber Campbell, 25, and John Arwood, 31, were discovered in a closet on the Daytona State campus. They spent a few days in the closet after being chased to the college by an unknown assailant, hiding from him while sitting in their own human waste. They finally phoned the cops to rescue them. However, the police didn’t need a key to get them out. The door had been unlocked the whole time. They were arrested for trespassing.
Florida Man Tries to Escape Arrest by Cartwheeling Away from Cops
In July 2020, police responded to reports of a man doing flips in the middle of the street, obstructing traffic. When they arrived, they discovered Gianfranco Fernandez, 40, doing precisely that. The officers took him down, but the agile gymnast wriggled free and attempted to cartwheel away before authorities took him down again. He was arrested and charged with battery on a law enforcement officer and resisting arrest. We all got to enjoy the entertaining viral video.
Florida Man Tries to Pawn his Toddler at Loan Store
A 43-year-old Florida Man found himself in hot water in 2019 after asking a clerk from a jewelry store in Sarasota, Florida, if he could pawn his 7-month-old child. The clerk told police he didn’t respond, and eventually, the man left, but while leaving, he reportedly said, “I just need a babysitter for like two weeks.” The clerk contacted the authorities, who promptly arrested the hair-brained father. Although he later claimed it was only a joke, nobody found it very funny.
Florida Man Steals Laxatives Instead of Opioids
A Florida man, Peter Emery, 56, was charged with felony theft after reportedly stealing medications he mistook for opiates. They were, in fact, laxatives. Emery was filmed stealing medicines from a lock box. He then told authorities that he took the pills thinking they were hydrocodone acetaminophen – an opioid-containing drug. When he realized the tablets were not what they appeared, he threw them away.
Cops called over 'Woman Screaming for Help.' Turns out it was Florida Man's Pet Parrot
After hearing horrific screams requesting to be let out, the neighbor of one Florida man called the police, believing a woman was in danger. When deputies from Palm Beach County arrived to investigate, they discovered the cries were coming from his pet parrot, Rambo. All went well in a situation that could have gone very wrong, and the man, officers, and neighbor all shared a good laugh.
Florida Man with Two Missing Tires blames it on Paranormal Activity
In November 2022, police officers noticed a man driving a car with only two wheels. When the man was pulled over, he explained that someone had cursed him and that he had damaged his vehicle as he fled. The officers concluded that another “spirit” was probably at play and conducted a sobriety test on the driver. In the end, he became increasingly agitated, spitting on the officers, threatening to attack them, kicking them, and even trying to steal one of their tasers.
Florida Man and His Pet Chicken Become Famous
A man in Niceville, Florida (that’s a real place, by the way) has gained fame on social media with his pet chicken in recent years. The number of Instagram users that follow Dave Cox and his chicken Sammi is significant. Sammi and Cox have been inseparable since Cox bought her at three days old from a Crestview feed store. They enjoy exploring new locations and spending time together. Today, Sammi even has her own agent in L.A.
Florida Man With No Arms Stabs Chicago Tourist
In 2018, a homeless man from South Florida with no arms was accused of stabbing a Chicago tourist. Jonathan Crenshaw, 46, used his feet to hold a pair of scissors and stabbed Cesar Coronado, 22, at a renowned tourist attraction in the neighborhood. A travel companion stated they asked Crenshaw for directions when he abruptly sprang up and stabbed the victim in the arm. Coronado had to be transported to the hospital.
Florida Man Asks Trooper if he can Leave Scene of Crash to Get More Meth
In 2018, a Florida man by the name of Scott Ecklund, 32, was involved in a car accident. When police officers arrived at the scene, he asked them if he could leave the scene of the accident to get some more meth. The flabbergasted officers took him into custody. Aside from the possession charges, he was also found driving with a suspended license and had to spend some time in jail.