25 Craziest Political Promises Ever

Posted by , Updated on June 30, 2014

Everyone knows that when it comes to empty promises politicians have a monopoly. Every time election season rolls around the promises start flowing and without fail the people cling to the ones they want to believe in the most. Sure, while some of them might be a little believable, or at least believable enough, every once in a while the level of audacity the politicians display reaches new heights. So, in honor of their incredible boldness these are the 25 craziest political promises ever.

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Vernin Supreme Promises Ponies For Everyone

Vernin Supreme

Although Vernin has made a lot of crazy promises in his comical political career, the promise to provide everyone with ponies and move the United States to a pony based economy really topped off the list.


John Edwards Promises To Cure Diabetes, Parkinsons, and Alzheimers

John Edwards

John Edwards went so far as to say that if him and John Kerry are elected president then people like Christopher Reeves will get up out of their chairs and walk again.


Herman Cain Promises To Veto Any Bill Longer Than 3 Pages

Herman Cain

Although he had a point with his statement (legislation does have a tendency of getting a bit wordy), Herman didn’t really manage to get anyone to take him seriously with this promise.


Dan Quayle Promises Best Educated American People In The World

Dan Quayle

Dan promises the country that no other nation in the world will have better educated American citizens. Touche Dan…touche.


Hillary Clinton Promises That Everyone Will Know Who Wears The Pantsuits

Hillary Clinton


Ronald Reagan Promises To Not Exploit His Opponents Youth and Inexperience

Ronald Reagan

Hmmm…unfortunately Ronald it may be a little too late for that.


Dan Quayle Promises The Future Will Get Better Tomorrow

Dan Quayle

This one is a bit of a mind bender. You’ll probably need some Tylenol just to try wrapping your head around it.


Sarah Palin Promises To Stand By America’s North Korean Allies

Sarah Palin

Have you ever tried to read a globe upside down? Well, don’t…because then things like this happen.


Hunter Thompson Promises To Replace The Streets of Aspen with Sod

Hunter Thompson

When Thompson was running for sheriff of Pitkin County in 1970 he promised to he would tear up all the asphalt in Aspen, replace it with sod, and use the asphalt to build a parking lot just outside the city.


Dennis Kucinich Promises To Arrest George W Bush

Dennis Kucinich

Although he had repeatedly called for the impeachment and arrest of George W Bush, Dennis essentially made this his platform, going so far as to warn the Bush administration that they should know their Miranda rights.


Sarah Palin Promises She Will Be More Rogue

Sarah Palin

Although she has probably already achieved maximum rogueness, Sarah made promises to come back with even more.


George Bush Promises Flying Ticket Counters

George Bush

This one is best if read in its entirety: “I am here to make an announcement that this Thursday, ticket counters and airplanes will fly out of Ronald Reagan Airport.”


Bill Clinton Promises His Administration Was The Funnest

Bill Clinton

Although he can’t run anymore, and the promise was slightly belated, Clinton seemed to think that although “[he] may not have been the greatest president [he] had the most fun 8 years.”


Jello Biafra Promises To Make Businessmen Wear Clown Suits

Jello Biafra

While running for mayor of San Fransisco in 1980, the Dead Kennedys singer came up with a “funny” platform.


Al Gore Promises That Zebras Will Not Change Their Spots

Al Gore

Or their stripes, or whatever it is that zebras have these days.


Michelle Bachman Promises To Withdraw From Libya…And Africa

Michelle Bachman

After reading enough of these it may start to seem as though politicians don’t necessarily have the strongest grasp on geography.


Ronald Reagan Promises To Be Awake

Ronald Reagan

According to Ronald he “has orders to be awakened at any time in the case of a national emergency, even if he’s in a cabinet meeting.”


Warren Harding Promises Return To Normalcy

Warren Harding

Although this doesn’t seem like an outlandish claim by any means, given how crazy political promises have become the norm, in some ways no making a ridiculous promise is pretty ridiculous.


Herman Cain Promises To Eliminate Commerce, Education, and Energy

Herman Cain

As if his plan to cut all three of these government departments wasn’t crazy enough, he only managed to remember two of them during the debates.


Herbert Hoover Promises A Chicken In Every Pot

Herbert Hoover

Although it was never directly stated by Hoover himself, the party convention ran this slogan to advertise his platform of prosperity.


Eisenhower Promises That Things Are More Like They Are Now Than They Ever Were Before

Dwight D Eisenhower

Sometimes its good just to get the obvious stuff out of the way so you can focus on the more important matters at hand.


Newt Gingrich Promises A Moon Colony

Newt Gingrich

Not only did Newt promise a moon colony, he promised it by the end of his second term in the year 2020.


Will Ferrell Promises Cheese Wheels

Will Ferrell

Although the actor never actually ran for president, he did promise to provide every American home with a wheel of cheese if he is elected.


Barack Obama Promises Not To Call Mitt Romney Weird

Barack Obama

Prior to all the mudslinging of the most recent presidential campaign, Obama vowed not to call Mitt weird…which is itself a little weird?


Teddy Roosevelt Promises Not To Run Next Time

Theodore Roosevelt

It seems a little counter intuitive…but apparently it struck a chord with voters. It didn’t, however stop Roosevelt from running for a third term in 1912.

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