25 Craziest Political Promises Ever

Posted by on January 24, 2013

Everyone knows that when it comes to empty promises politicians have a monopoly. Every time election season rolls around the promises start flowing and without fail the people cling to the ones they want to believe in the most. Sure, while some of them might be a little believable, or at least believable enough, every once in a while the level of audacity the politicians display reaches new heights. So, in honor of their incredible boldness these are the 25 craziest political promises ever.


Vernin Supreme Promises Ponies For Everyone

Although Vernin has made a lot of crazy promises in his comical political career, the promise to provide everyone with ponies and move the United States to a pony based economy really topped off the list.


John Edwards Promises To Cure Diabetes, Parkinsons, and Alzheimers

John Edwards went so far as to say that if him and John Kerry are elected president then people like Christopher Reeves will get up out of their chairs and walk again.


Herman Cain Promises To Veto Any Bill Longer Than 3 Pages

Although he had a point with his statement (legislation does have a tendency of getting a bit wordy), Herman didn’t really manage to get anyone to take him seriously with this promise.


Dan Quayle Promises Best Educated American People In The World

Dan promises the country that no other nation in the world will have better educated American citizens. Touche Dan…touche.


Hillary Clinton Promises That Everyone Will Know Who Wears The Pantsuits


Ronald Reagan Promises To Not Exploit His Opponents Youth and Inexperience

Hmmm…unfortunately Ronald it may be a little too late for that.


Dan Quayle Promises The Future Will Get Better Tomorrow

This one is a bit of a mind bender. You’ll probably need some Tylenol just to try wrapping your head around it.


Sarah Palin Promises To Stand By America’s North Korean Allies

Have you ever tried to read a globe upside down? Well, don’t…because then things like this happen.


Hunter Thompson Promises To Replace The Streets of Aspen with Sod

When Thompson was running for sheriff of Pitkin County in 1970 he promised to he would tear up all the asphalt in Aspen, replace it with sod, and use the asphalt to build a parking lot just outside the city.


Dennis Kucinich Promises To Arrest George W Bush

Although he had repeatedly called for the impeachment and arrest of George W Bush, Dennis essentially made this his platform, going so far as to warn the Bush administration that they should know their Miranda rights.


Sarah Palin Promises She Will Be More Rogue

Although she has probably already achieved maximum rogueness, Sarah made promises to come back with even more.


George Bush Promises Flying Ticket Counters

This one is best if read in its entirety: “I am here to make an announcement that this Thursday, ticket counters and airplanes will fly out of Ronald Reagan Airport.”


Bill Clinton Promises His Administration Was The Funnest

Although he can’t run anymore, and the promise was slightly belated, Clinton seemed to think that although “[he] may not have been the greatest president [he] had the most fun 8 years.”


Jello Biafra Promises To Make Businessmen Wear Clown Suits

While running for mayor of San Fransisco in 1980, the Dead Kennedys singer came up with a “funny” platform.


Al Gore Promises That Zebras Will Not Change Their Spots

Or their stripes, or whatever it is that zebras have these days.