No one ever wants to be pulled over for speeding, but the truth is, sometimes we are. And sometimes, when faced with the possibility of a ticket, people will say or do anything, and we mean ANYTHING, to get out of it. Here are 25 hilariously hilarious ways to get out of a speeding ticket that you should never, ever use. We here at List25 do not condone the use of ANY of these “tactics” and are not responsible for anything that happens if you decide to forgo common sense. Seriously…DON’T USE THESE!
Change the subject.
While the officer is talking to you, try to change the subject of your conversation. For example, try to talk to him about dogs, donuts, or other topics that he might find engaging.
Say that you are already late to work.
The officer should let you go if he knows you’re just trying to be a responsible member of society.
Give the traffic enforcer some sense of perspective.
Just make sure the officer knows the speeding he pulled you over for, is nothing compared to the crimes you haven’t committed, like arson or murder. That way the speeding won’t look so bad, and he will just let you go on your way. Put some perspective in his life.
Tell the police officer that you are from another country.
You don’t know the local rules. You’re “foreign”. It isn’t fair that the officer tickets you for something you didn’t know about! Also, you’ve only been here a week, if that.
Learn to flirt.
If you’re a woman, try flirting . If you are wearing a tight shirt and you think you have a good rack, lean over until the officer forgets why he approached you in the first place. As a side note, this will only work with male or lesbian officers. So if you get a straight female officer, or a gay male, this approach will not help at all.
Black mail the officer.
The very moment before the police officer tickets you, stop him through effective blackmailing. Tell him that you have evidence that he is actually cheating on his wife or girlfriend. If he asks you for proof, simply draw a realistic sketch of him cheating on his significant other.
Just make sure that whenever you plan on driving fast, do it backwards. That way when the officer asks how fast you think you were going, you can tell them “-60 mph.” That’s technically not speeding.
Wear a Batman costume.
Wearing a Batman costume and acting like the real Batman would surely make any police officer feel that there is no need to ask questions, simply because you are Batman.
Disorient the officer.
When the officer comes up to you to ask if you know how fast you were driving, disorienting them by shouting, “what’s that?!” and pointing. When the officer turns around, take their hat and put it on. You are now a police officer. Arrest the other officer and don’t forget to read them their Miranda Rights.
If you give a cop a cookie.
They say the best way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. The same applies to police officers. Whenever you drive, make sure that you have some cookies with you. When the officer stops you and tickets you with speeding, offer him some cookies. But make sure they are good cookies. Bribes don’t work with gross cookies.
The Garden State approach
Tell the officer that, it’s okay, you’re from New Jersey. This won’t work, however, if you are actually in New Jersey.
Pretend that you've just come from the beach.
Every time you drive, make sure that you keep a handful of sand inside your car. When the police officer stops you, cover yourself in sand so when he asks how fast you are going, you can simply say “I was just at the beach.” When he informs you that coming from the beach isn’t an excuse, break down and cry screaming about how unloved you feel.
Play or sing the song “Right Thurr” by Chingy.
When you play or sing this song by Chingy, make sure that you maintain eye contact with the officer. After every sentence he says, sing the line “Right Thurr” until he gets tired of ranting about your speeding.
Be the most dramatic woman that you can be.
Some say that one of the best ways a female driver can avoid a ticket is by crying. This is because, according to psychology, a crying woman has the ability to create a strong feeling of sympathy. So, ladies, just bawl your eyes out.
Tell the officer that your cousin has just died.
If you are riding the car with another passenger, tell the officer that your cousin has just died. Make sure your passenger pretends to be your cousin and be convincingly dead. If possible, have them stop breathing for as long as they can.
Use a Jedi mind trick.
When the officer approaches, tap into the Force, wave your hand a little and say, “This is not the car you’re looking for.” Now keep in mind, Jedi mind tricks only work on the weak-minded, so be weary on who you attempt to use it against.
Tell the officer that your car is having some technical difficulties.
One of the best ways to get out of a ticket is by pretending that your car is experiencing some technical difficulties, like your speedometer not working. When the officer asks you if you are aware how fast you are going, you can say “No, officer. I actually did not. My speedometer is broken.”
The "Back to the Future" approach.
When the officer asks how fast you were going, tell him “88 mph.” He will think that you’ve just time traveled and will probably leave you alone.
Pretend that you have to poop.
When the officer approaches you and asks for your info, just squirm around as if you are about to poop yourself. Don’t forget the pained look on your face as you say, “Sorry for speeding, officer, but I really have to poop.”
You’ll totally be able to get away from the police, plus you’ll most likely get a sweet appearance on your local news or COPS.
Come up with a good lie.
Being a liar can have serious risks but this strategy is used by most speeders who are attempting to get out of a ticket. When you use this approach, make sure you have a good solid story with zero loopholes.
Use the humorous approach.
If you’re a jokester, make the best use of your sense of humor by turning the officer’s fury into a bunch of laughs. When the officer approaches you and asks you why you were speeding, try to answer him with a good joke and make him feel comfortable talking to you. This raises the chance of him letting you go.
Quote a line from any of the works of William Shakespeare.
Also known as the Shakespearean approach, quoting a line from one of Shakespeare’s poems or plays straight from your memory will make a great impression on the officer who is just about to ticket you. It could also give him the impression that you are drunk or insane.
Swallow the ticket.
When all of those excuses fail to work (and fail they will), the officer will hand you the ticket. When he does, look directly into his eyes, grab the ticket, and put it inside your mouth, never breaking eye contact. Chew it and swallow it in front of him as a sign of your rebellion.
Drive a segway even on the highway.
It’s physically impossible to be pulled over for speeding on a segway.