Top 25 Reasons Not To Upset Chuck Norris

Yes, we know, Chuck Norris jokes are oldschool. No one laughs at them anymore and we are a bunch of losers for even bringing them up. Fine, but don’t come complaining to us that you thought this was just a list of played out Chuck Norris jokes – not that you would ever even make it to that point anyway.  For the rest of you…thats right, these aren’t jokes. They’re warnings. In fact, a better title for this list would have been 25 ways to stay healthy and live a long life.

Chuck Norris once killed 37 terrorists with only 2 bullets....the first bullet was a warning shot.


Chuck Norris grew a beard at the age of eighteen. Seconds.


Once, a cop pulled over Chuck Norris....the cop was lucky to leave with a warning.


Chuck Norris's e-mail adress is [email protected]


Chuck Norris got into a knife fight. The knife lost.


Chuck Norris was dropped twice as a baby. First on Hiroshima, then on Nagasaki.


Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.


If they made a movie of Chuck Norris standing still, it would be rated R for extreme violence.


Chuck Norris does not have a middle name, nobody gets between Chuck Norris.


Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.


When Chuck Norris pokes you on Facebook you can feel it.

Chuck Was Here

Fear of spiders is arachnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is claustrophobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic.


Chuck Norris can do a roundhouse kick faster than the speed of light. This means that if you turn on a light switch, you will be dead before the lightbulb turns on.


Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. Chuck Norris needs toothpicks.


It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.


That's not Chuck Norris doing push-ups -- that's Chuck Norris moving the Earth away from the path of a deadly asteroid.


Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin that he built with his bare hands.


Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.


There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

Chuck Control

When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.


There's an order to the universe: space, time, Chuck Norris.... Just kidding, Chuck Norris is first.


When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris.

Answer the Phone

Chuck Norris's body temperature is 98.6 degrees... Celsius.


Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.


Chuck Norris does not know about this list. If he did he would have deleted the internet.

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