25 Ridiculous Celebrity Quotes To Make You Chuckle

Posted by , Updated on March 28, 2024

Being a celebrity isn’t easy. You’re under constant surveillance from cameras, always hounded by paparazzi, and every action you take or word you speak is perpetually examined. Celebrities count on their public relations teams and publicists to delicately manage their projected image – be it wholesome and kind, boisterous and party-loving, or elegant and sophisticated. However, celebrities occasionally trip up and utter quite absurd statements. These comical celebrity quotes demonstrate that a person’s image can be altered, but their true character always shines through.

In this list, we’ve compiled some of the funniest celebrity quotes from our time. Whether it’s Kid Rock on his plan to make every American go to church, Arnold Schwarzenegger on his beliefs regarding gay marriage, or Lil Wayne on highly effective study habits, the hilarious quotes on this list are guaranteed to make you laugh. (We particularly like Tina Fey’s quote at #24 and Jack Nicholson’s laughable quote at #10.)  While we might expect to hear silly quotes from celebrities we know as less cerebral, some of the most popular and dignified celebrities of our day have also made the cut. See if you favorite celebrity has said something funny enough to make our list of 25 Ridiculous Celebrity Quotes To Make You Chuckle.



Axl Rose

Axl_Rose,_Guns_n´Roses_Poliedro_de_Caracas_27_de_Marzo_2010Source: Daily News Dig, Image: Wikipedia

“It’s really hard to maintain a one-on-one relationship if the other person is not going to allow me to be with other people.”


Tina Fey

tina_fey_muppets_most_wanted_premiere_croppedSource: World Wide Interweb, Image: commons.wikimedia.org

“I wish I could trade my heart for another liver so I could drink more and care less.”



Sean Connery

seanconneryjune08Source: World Wide Interweb, Image: en.wikipedia.org

“I like women. I don’t understand them, but I like them.”


Al Pacino

al-pacinoSource: World Wide Interweb, Image: Wikipedia

“I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.”


Jessica Simpson

jessica_simpsonSource: Daily News Dig, Image: commons.wikimedia.org

“Is this chicken or is this fish? I know it’s tuna but it says ‘Chicken of the Sea’.”


Melissa Etheridge

melissa-etheridgeSource: People, Image: en.wikipedia.org

“This (Oscar statue) is the only naked man that will ever be in my bedroom.”


Kanye West

kanye-westSource: Radar Online, Image: Dave B via Flickr

“I won’t go into a big spiel about reincarnation, but the first time I was in the Gucci store in Chicago was the closest I’ve ever felt to home.”


50 Cent

50_cent_in_concertSource: News.com.au, Image: en.wikipedia

“I can’t belive my grand mothers making me take Out the garbage I’m rich f*** this I’m going home I don’t need this s***.” (sic)


Denise Richards

denise-richardsSource: AZ Quotes, Image: Wikipedia

“I am truly not one to give advice. I’m divorced, and I stole my best friend’s husband.”


Arnold Schwarzenegger

arnold-schwarzeneggerSource: Daily News Dig, Image: en.wikipedia.org

“I think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman.”


Loretta Lynn

loretta lynnSource: Esquire, Image: thirdcoastdigest via Flickr

“I liked Michael Jackson better dark. And I liked his nose a lot better, too. If he has any more taken off, I don’t know how he’s gonna breathe.”


If you’re enjoying this list, you might also like 25 Unforgettably Awesome Movie Quotes.


Pete Sampras

pete-samprasSource: AZ Quotes, Image: commons.wikimedia.com

“I didn’t have a big fat Greek wedding, but I have a lot of fat Greek friends.”


Britney Spears

britney_spears_2013Source: Daily News Dig, Image: hr.wikipedia.org

“I’ve never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don’t like eating fish. And I know that’s very popular out there in Africa.”


Miley Cyrus

Miley_Cyrus_performing_in_Vancouver_2014Source: Cosmopolitan, Image: Wikipedia

“I can’t sing, I can’t dance, I’m dumb, I’m a hillbilly, but I can twerk, so whatever.”


Kid Rock

Kid RockSource: AZ Quotes, Image: commons.wikimedia.org

“If I was president of the good old U.S.A., I’d turn the churches into strip clubs and watch the whole world pray.”


Jack Nicholson

jack_nicholsonSource: World Wide Interweb, Image: en.wikipedia.org

“I hate when people say ‘Nice to meet you’ before I’ve even said anything. How do you know it’s nice to meet me? I’m an asshole.”


Christina Aguilera

Christina_Aguilera_SanremoSource: AZ Quotes, Image: Wikipedia

“I wouldn’t feel right wearing clothes covering my body.”


Arnold Schwarzenegger

Arnold SchwarzeneggerSource: World Wide Interweb, Image: Democracy Chronicles via Flickr

“The best activities for your health are pumping and humping.”


Paris Hilton

Paris HiltonSource: Daily News Dig, Image: en.wikipedia.org

“What’s Wal-Mart? Do they sell, like wall stuff?”


Bette Midler

bette-midlerSource: Brainy Quote, Image: en.wikipedia.org

“If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it?“


Geri Halliwell (Ginger Spice)

Geri HalliwellSource: News.com.au, Image: en.wikipedia.org

“First my mother was Spanish. Then she became a Jehovah’s Witness.”


George Clooney

George_Clooney_-_White_House_-_October_2010Source: World Wide Interweb, Image: Wikipedia

“Run for office? No. I’ve slept with too many women, I’ve done too many drugs, and I’ve been to too many parties.”


Lil Wayne

Lil WayneSource: Youth Village, Image: commons.wikimedia.org

“I learned this from a college graduate. She’d smoke a joint the night before a test, while she was studying, and then again in the morning, and everything she had read would come right back. I tried this five times, and I swear to God, I’ve never made less than a 92.”


Paula Abdul

Paula_Abdul_2011Source: News.com.au, Image: Wikipedia

“I’m tired of people not treating me like the gift that I am.”


Betty White

betty_white_2010Source: World Wide Interweb, Image: en.wikipedia

“Why do people say ‘Grow some balls’? Balls are weak and sensitive. If you really want to get tough, grow a vagina – those things take a pounding!”


Enjoy this list? Check out 25 Insanely Dumb Celebrity Quotes You Won’t Believe Were Spoken.