Deciding to get married is one of the biggest choices you’ll make in your life. Marriage is a symbol of love and a union of equal partnership. It is also an oath you take in front of your closest friends and family. That is why it’s so important to choose the right person to spend the rest of your life with.
Before you even think about walking down the aisle, there are some vital questions you are going to want to ask your partner. Some topics like finances and family planning may seem a bit awkward to talk about but they are extremely important.
Knowing where your prospective partner stands on these subjects will help clarify expectations and help prepare you for your future together.
We live in an era where the majority of people aren’t waiting to have sex on their wedding night. That said, discussing the number of partners your prospective spouse has had should be a normal question.
It isn’t always a good idea to bring up the past; however, it is beneficial for your health to know if your partner has ever been tested for a sexually transmitted disease.
The "D" Word
I know, talking about divorce when you are about to get married doesn’t seem appropriate. However, it’s important to see where your partner stands on the idea of forever.
It’s good to talk about how each one of you will handle things when things get difficult. Will both of you try to put everything you have into fixing the relationship or will one of you simply walk away?
Life after marriage can be extremely different than life before marriage. That’s because people and circumstances change. When it comes to traveling as a married person, ideally you would want your partner to join you.
However, there are some instances where you might be asked to travel for work … or maybe your partner isn’t as adventurous as you are in the area of traveling. If traveling is one of your top priorities, it is definitely a topic to discuss with your future spouse.
Some people are great at saving money while others might be better at spending it. If you are the kind of person that finds comfort with having a little extra in the bank, then you are probably good at saving money.
Different spending habits in marriage could lead to conflict. Discuss how you will handle your finances together before you get married. This will hopefully minimize future arguments on the topic.
Health and Wellness
Before you get married, you want to make sure you and your spouse are compatible in more ways than one. If fitness is a big part of your life but not so much in your partner’s life, ask them to join when you take part in physical activities.
It is also important to discuss any diseases that run in the family. Health conditions are a serious part of life. Talking about what kind of disorders run in the family can help you be more prepared for the future.
Turning a blind eye to your partner’s bad habits tends to be easier during the early stages of the relationship. Once you and your partner are more established, however, those “small” things that may not have bothered you back then start to bother you now.
For example, if you aren’t a fan of your partner’s smoking, diet, or lack of exercise, make your feelings known before you decide to tie the knot.
Till Death Us Part
Deciding to get married is an exciting time. It marks the beginning of a new chapter in your life. So, bringing up the topic of death may seem like a downer. However, having the talk is extremely important.
Asking how your partner would like to be honored after death can help make difficult funeral choices much easier. Also, choosing the right life insurance could have a dramatic impact on your family’s future.
Discussing and establishing healthy boundaries in a relationship ensures that everyone feels comfortable and respected. When having this conversation, try to be as clear as you can about your beliefs, values, and limitations.
If you decide to set boundaries in certain areas, try to explain to your partner why it is important to you and how to implement it in your everyday lives.
Deciding where you want to live after getting married can be extremely difficult, especially if your respective families live in different parts of the world.
The perfect location should be fit seamlessly into both of your lives. Where each one of you works, how far you want to travel, and what your housing budget is, are all things to discuss before making the move.
Getting married isn’t cheap. The average cost of a wedding in the United States is over $30,000, according to Business Insider.
Older wedding traditions say that the father of the bride should be the one to pick up the bill. However, nowadays the cost of the wedding is normally split between both families.
Establishing a wedding budget before you get married can ensure that your big day won’t cause any financial stress.
Getting cold feet before you plan on getting married is perfectly normal. In fact, a good majority of people experience pre-wedding jitters and anxiety. You should always be open and honest with your partner about your feelings.
If you are hesitant to get married for a particular reason, try talking to them about it. Every relationship has certain flaws, but if it’s causing you to have second thoughts about the marriage, it is definitely worth discussing.
Most people consider their spouse to be their best friend. At the same time, having friendships outside of the marriage is extremely important. Discussing friendships before you get married can help determine where each other stands.
It’s also a good idea to talk boundaries especially with friendships of the opposite sex. You always want to make sure your partner feels comfortable with the people you decide to hang out with.
Everyone expresses their feelings in a different way. Some people show their partner that they love them through physical touch while others may prefer to show their admiration through words of affirmation or giving gifts.
Explain to your partner how you prefer to receive love and how you express your love. This can help you better connect with them. People are also more inclined to show more affection when they know their partner likes it.
Moving in with your partner can be an extremely telling experience. You may be surprised at how much you learn about your relationship during the first year of living together.
If you don’t have the opportunity to live with your spouse before you get married, then it’s a good idea to discuss chores. Figuring out how to divide up the house chores will help eliminate confusion and potential arguments.
If you are planning on getting married, then you and your partner probably already know a good deal about one another.
Ideally, conflicts won’t be a big part of your relationship. However, discussing how each one of you handles difficult situations can save you heartache in the long run.
For example, if you are the kind of person who needs space after an argument, it’s important to be open and honest about that.
Thinking about where you see yourself in 10 years can cause a lot of pressure, especially if you are not exactly sure what you want to do with the rest of your life. The good news is that it is perfectly okay to not know.
Having a discussion with your partner about your respective long-term goals can help you look at things from a different point of view. Together, you can determine what you want the future to look like for both of you.
There will always be certain things that just tick you off. Whether it’s slow walkers, loud chewers, having to repeat yourself, or the word “moist,” some things just can’t help but make you cringe.
Marriage is a life commitment. If your partner regularly does something that irks you, they should know about it sooner rather than later. Being open about each other’s pet peeves will save the relationship a lot of unwanted annoyances.
Let’s face it, sometimes the in-laws aren’t always the nicest people. But no matter how much you may dislike your partner’s parents, they aren’t going anywhere. So, learning how to get along with one another is crucial to the relationship.
Try to resolve any differences with your soon-to-be mom and dad before you get married to their son/daughter. You don’t want to enter a new chapter of your life on sensitive terms with your new family.
Furry friends can be just as much of a commitment as having a child. Pets require a lot of reasonability and care. They can be costly as well.
It’s also important to see where your partner stands on having a pet because adding another element to the relationship can be tricky. If you’re not exactly sure how you feel about pets, you could try volunteering at a local animal shelter to see if having a pet is the right choice for you.
Financial issues are one of the leading causes of divorce, according to the Institute for Divorce Financial Analysts. Talking about money can be awkward at times, but it doesn’t always have to be.
Try to be as open and honest about any previous debts as possible. It’s only fair that your partner knows about your financial situation because it could get in the way of buying a house or leasing a car. It’s also a good idea to determine a new budget based on your joint income.
As many wise people have said, “Communication is key.” During the beginning of most relationships, communication isn’t normally an issue. That’s because you and your partner are excited about getting to know each other and are probably constantly talking.
As your relationship becomes stronger, sometimes communication weakens. Being open and honest about your feelings and communication style ahead of time can help reduce future misunderstandings.
For many people, religion isn’t just sometimes praying. It’s more about how they choose to live their life. It’s what they believe in, how they conduct themselves, and where they worship.
When starting the conversation about religion with your partner, first try to figure out where you stand with your own religion. Then ask about their faith and beliefs. Being spiritually compatible is just as important as being physically and emotionally compatible.
Asking someone to talk about their biggest fears isn’t an easy question. So, it’s important to be understanding if that subject matter makes your loved one feel uncomfortable. Try to ease into the conversation.
Talking to your partner about their fears, hopes, regrets, and struggles provides you with a better understanding of them. Ultimately, discussing those tough questions will give you a much deeper level of connection with the person you love.
The family planning talk with your partner is probably one of the most important conversations you should have before getting married. Starting a family is just as big of a decision as getting married, if not bigger.
You don’t want to find out that your partner doesn’t want children a few years into the marriage, especially if you do. Even if your opinions change over time, having open conversations on the subject helps to make sure you are both on the same page.
Bringing up the past isn’t always a good idea. However, it can be beneficial to discuss what lessons you both learned from prior relationships. Whether your partner learned the value of trust, commitment, or respect, talking about it can offer a glimpse into your own partnership.
Being open about past mistakes is equally as important. It gives both parties a chance to learn from each other’s faults and grow from the experience.