Marketers are clever; perhaps nowhere so clever as in the United States. It’s the land of opportunity (aka land of highly skilled marketing professionals accompanied by a culture of reckless consumerism). But when it comes to marketing, half the battle is making people believe something that may not be entirely true. Now don’t get us wrong. We’re not calling all marketers liars. There are plenty of ethical marketers out there, and we’re not talking about them. But even so, it’s funny to think about what would happen if marketers couldn’t lie…at all. You probably have an idea of where this list is going. All of those brands with blatantly over-optimistic slogans – not anymore. Today we’re going to go through them and give them some new, improved tag lines. If marketers were this honest, then probably nobody would buy their stuff, and that would be bad for the economy. So maybe it’s a good thing that they trick us into buying so much junk? Who knows. We don’t. But guess what? It doesn’t matter right now. We’re about to have some fun, so stop being so political all the time. These are 25 marketing slogans that would only exist if marketers were brutally honest.
Featured Image: pdpics.com
Please throw this away for us.
As healthy as you tell us to make it
Barnes and Noble
If you stay inside, it’s a library with a coffee shop.
We dare you to try boycotting us.
Pay more so you don’t have to shop at Walmart.
At least we’re not Kmart.
At least you don’t have to dumpster dive.
It is always cancer.
Try it before you buy it on Amazon.
Every insurance company in history
Give us your money so that we can try as hard as possible to never give you anything back.
All jokes aside, here are some really clever marketing campaigns: 25 Creative Company Marketing Campaigns With Epic Results.
Moving forward, whether you want to or not.
Let us microwave that for you.
Yes, we still exist.
It’s just generic coffee.
Beats By Dre
Give us your money to look cool.
Do you really have a choice?
A relatively tasty laxative
It’s better than not eating.
No, we don’t serve Coke.
Sweatshops for your jump shots
Italian for “Coke just sold you water.”
It’s easier to have an account here than explain why you don’t.
If you enjoyed this list, you’ll want to check out 25 Brutally Honest Advertising Slogans By Clif Dickens.