25 Marketing Slogans That Would Only Exist If Marketers Were Brutally Honest

Marketers are clever; perhaps nowhere so clever as in the United States. It’s the land of opportunity (aka land of highly skilled marketing professionals accompanied by a culture of reckless consumerism). But when it comes to marketing, half the battle is making people believe something that may not be entirely true. Now don’t get us wrong. We’re not calling all marketers liars. There are plenty of ethical marketers out there, and we’re not talking about them. But even so, it’s funny to think about what would happen if marketers couldn’t lie…at all. You probably have an idea of where this list is going. All of those brands with blatantly over-optimistic slogans – not anymore. Today we’re going to go through them and give them some new, improved tag lines. If marketers were this honest, then probably nobody would buy their stuff, and that would be bad for the economy. So maybe it’s a good thing that they trick us into buying so much junk? Who knows. We don’t. But guess what? It doesn’t matter right now. We’re about to have some fun, so stop being so political all the time. These are 25 marketing slogans that would only exist if marketers were brutally honest.

Featured Image: pdpics.com

25

Yellow Pages

Yellow PagesSource: reddit, Image: wikipedia

Please throw this away for us.

24

Subway

SubwaySource: reddit, Image: wikipedia

As healthy as you tell us to make it

23

Juicy Fruit

Juicy FruitSource: reddit, Image: wikipedia

Only-Juicy-for-15-seconds fruit

22

Barnes and Noble

Barnes and NobleSource: reddit, Image: wikipedia

If you stay inside, it’s a library with a coffee shop.

21

Nestle

NestleSource: reddit, Image: wikipedia

We dare you to try boycotting us.

20

Target

TargetSource: reddit, Image: wikipedia

Pay more so you don’t have to shop at Walmart.

19

Walmart

WalmartSource: reddit, Image: wikipedia

At least we’re not Kmart.

18

Kmart

KmartSource: reddit, Image: wikipedia

At least you don’t have to dumpster dive.

17

WebMD

WebMDSource: reddit, Image: wikipedia

It is always cancer.

16

Best Buy

Best BuySource: reddit, Image: wikipedia

Try it before you buy it on Amazon.

15

Every insurance company in history

Every insurance company in historySource: reddit, Image: wikipedia

Give us your money so that we can try as hard as possible to never give you anything back.

 

All jokes aside, here are some really clever marketing campaigns: 25 Creative Company Marketing Campaigns With Epic Results.

14

Toyota

ToyotaSource: reddit, Image: wikipedia

Moving forward, whether you want to or not.

13

Applebees

ApplebeesSource: reddit, Image: wikipedia

Let us microwave that for you.

12

AOL

AOLSource: reddit, Image: wikipedia

Yes, we still exist.

11

Folgers

FolgersSource: reddit, Image: wikipedia

It’s just generic coffee.

10

Beats By Dre

Beats By DreSource: reddit, Image: wikipedia

Give us your money to look cool.

9

Comcast

ComcastSource: reddit, Image: wikipedia

Do you really have a choice?

8

Hot Pockets

Hot PocketsSource: reddit, Image: wikipedia

A relatively tasty laxative

7

McDonald's

McDonald'sSource: reddit, Image: wikipedia

It’s better than not eating.

6

Heinz Ketchup

Heinz KetchupSource: reddit, Image: wikipedia

1 variety

5

Pepsi

PepsiSource: reddit, Image: wikipedia

No, we don’t serve Coke.

4

Nike

NikeSource: reddit, Image: wikipedia

Sweatshops for your jump shots

3

BP

BPSource: reddit, Image: wikipedia

Oops

2

Dasani

DasaniSource: reddit, Image: wikipedia

Italian for “Coke just sold you water.”

1

Facebook

FacebookSource: reddit, Image: wikipedia

It’s easier to have an account here than explain why you don’t.

 

If you enjoyed this list, you’ll want to check out 25 Brutally Honest Advertising Slogans By Clif Dickens.



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