Mitch Hedberg carries a well-regarded status in numerous comedy realms as one of the most outstanding out-of-the-box comedians of recent times. He has even earned the nickname “the king of the non-sequitur.” His singular style of delivery cultivated a significant cult following, and his one-liners are still frequently circulated online. Regrettably, Mitch passed away in 2005 at just 37 years old due to a polydrug overdose, a topic he used to humorously touch upon in his stand-up routines.
In spite of being so popular on stage, however, Mitch always suffered from stage fright. In fact, he would often perform wearing sunglasses and have his hair in his face. Sometimes, he even stood with his back to the audience. And when jokes weren’t well received he would usually mention how dumb the joke was immediately after making it. His unconventional style, way of talking, and delivery all contributed to making him one of the most unique stand up comedians of his time, and since then, many others have taken inspiration from him. Today, however, we are going to pay tribute to one of this century’s greatest comedians. These are 25 Hilarious Examples Of Comedian Mitch Hedburg’s Comedic Genius!
Featured Image: Robert Cudmore via Flickr
I haven't slept for ten days because that would be too long.
Image: publicdomainpictures.net I had a parrot. The parrot talked, but it did not say "I'm hungry," so it died.
Image: wikipedia Whenever I go to shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving, so I say "I'm gonna go shave, too."
Image: wikipedia I have a vest. If I had my arms cut off, it would be a jacket.
Image: wikipedia A fly was very close to being called a "land," cause that's what they do half the time.
Image: wikipedia I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.
Image: pixabay A burrito is a sleeping bag for ground beef.
Image: wikipedia In Venice, Italy they don't have streets, they have canals. So in Venice, we gotta keep the kids off the canals.
Image: pixabay I went to a record store; they said they specialized in hard-to-find records. Nothing was alphabetized.
Image: pixabay I saw a sheet lying on the floor; it must have been a ghost that had passed out... So I kicked it.
Image: wikipedia If I was on death row and given one last meal I would ask for a fortune cookie. "Come on 'long prosperous life!'"
Image: pixabay My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, I said "No, but I want a regular banana later, so…yeah."
Image: wikipedia I like rice. Rice is great when you're hungry, and you want 2,000 of something.
Image: freestockphotos.biz Here's a thought for sweat shop owners: Air Conditioning. Problem solved.
Image: wikipedia An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an "Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order" sign, just "Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience."
Image: wikipedia Dogs are forever in the push up position.
Image: pixabay This is what my friend said to me; he said, "Guess what I like? Mashed potatoes." It's like, "Dude. you gotta give me time to guess. If you're gonna quiz me, you must insert a pause in there."
Image: freestockphotos.biz The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
Image: pixabay It's very dangerous to wave to people you don't know because what if they don't have hands? They'll think you're cocky.
Image: wikipedia Every book is a children's book if the kid can read.
Image: pixabay I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.
Image: wikipedia I remixed the remix. It was back to normal.
Image: pixabay I saw a commercial for an above ground pool. It was 30 seconds long. You know why? Because that's the maximum amount of time you can depict yourself having fun in an above ground pool.
Image: Chris Grazioli via Flickr Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus or just a really cool opotamus?
Image: wikipedia I want to hang a map of the world in my house, and then I’m gonna put pins into all the locations that I’ve traveled to. But first, I’m gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map, so it won’t fall down.
Image: pixabay 
