25 Hilarious Examples Of Comedian Mitch Hedberg’s Comedic Genius

Mitch Hedberg is highly regarded in many comedy circles as one of the greatest unconventional comedians in recent history. In fact, he has been considered the king of the non-sequitur. His unique delivery led to quite a serious cult following, and his one line jokes continue to be shared widely on the internet. Unfortunately, Mitch died in 2005 at the age of 37 due to a multiple drug overdose. Ironically, this was something he often joked about in his stand-up performances.

In spite of being so popular on stage, however, Mitch always suffered from stage fright. In fact, he would often perform wearing sunglasses and have his hair in his face. Sometimes, he even stood with his back to the audience. And when jokes weren’t well received he would usually mention how dumb the joke was immediately after making it. His unconventional style, way of talking, and delivery all contributed to making him one of the most unique stand up comedians of his time, and since then, many others have taken inspiration from him. Today, however, we are going to pay tribute to one of this century’s greatest comedians. These are 25 Hilarious Examples Of Comedian Mitch Hedburg’s Comedic Genius!

Featured Image: Robert Cudmore via Flickr

25

I haven't slept for ten days because that would be too long.

I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.Image: publicdomainpictures.net
24

I had a parrot. The parrot talked, but it did not say "I'm hungry," so it died.

I had a parrot. The parrot talked, but it did not say "I'm hungry", so it died.Image: wikipedia
23

Whenever I go to shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving, so I say "I'm gonna go shave, too."

Whenever I go to shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving, so I say "I'm gonna go shave, too."Image: wikipedia
22

I have a vest. If I had my arms cut off, it would be a jacket.

I have a vest. If I had my arms cut off, it would be a jacket.Image: wikipedia
21

A fly was very close to being called a "land," cause that's what they do half the time.

A fly was very close to being called a "land," cause that's what they do half the time.Image: wikipedia
20

I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.

I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.Image: pixabay
19

A burrito is a sleeping bag for ground beef.

A burrito is a sleeping bag for ground beef.Image: wikipedia
18

In Venice, Italy they don't have streets, they have canals. So in Venice, we gotta keep the kids off the canals.

n Venice, Italy they don't have streets, they have canals. So in Venice, we gotta keep the kids off the canals.Image: pixabay
17

I went to a record store; they said they specialized in hard-to-find records. Nothing was alphabetized.

I went to a record store, they said they specialized in hard-to-find records. Nothing was alphabetized.Image: pixabay
16

I saw a sheet lying on the floor; it must have been a ghost that had passed out... So I kicked it.

I saw a sheet lying on the floor, it must have been a ghost that had passed out... So I kicked it.Image: wikipedia
15

If I was on death row and given one last meal I would ask for a fortune cookie. "Come on 'long prosperous life!'"

If I was on death row and given one last meal I would ask for a fortune cookie. "Come on 'long prosperous life!'"Image: pixabay
14

My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, I said "No, but I want a regular banana later, so…yeah."

My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, I said "No, but I want a regular banana later, so … yeah".Image: wikipedia
13

I like rice. Rice is great when you're hungry, and you want 2,000 of something.

I like rice. Rice is great when you're hungry and you want 2,000 of something.Image: freestockphotos.biz
12

Here's a thought for sweat shop owners: Air Conditioning. Problem solved.

Here's a thought for sweat shop owners: Air Conditioning. Problem solved.Image: wikipedia
11

An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an "Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order" sign, just "Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience."

An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.Image: wikipedia
10

Dogs are forever in the push up position.

Dogs are forever in the push up position.Image: pixabay
9

This is what my friend said to me; he said, "Guess what I like? Mashed potatoes." It's like, "Dude. you gotta give me time to guess. If you're gonna quiz me, you must insert a pause in there."

This is what my friend said to me; he said "Guess what I like? Mashed potatoes." It's like,"Dude. you gotta give me time to guess. If you're gonna quiz me, you must insert a pause in there."Image: freestockphotos.biz
8

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.Image: pixabay
7

It's very dangerous to wave to people you don't know because what if they don't have hands? They'll think you're cocky.

It's very dangerous to wave to people you don't know because what if they don't have hands? They'll think you're cocky.Image: wikipedia
6

Every book is a children's book if the kid can read.

Every book is a children's book if the kid can read.Image: pixabay
5

I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.

I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.Image: wikipedia
4

I remixed the remix. It was back to normal.

I remixed the remix. It was back to normal.Image: pixabay
3

I saw a commercial for an above ground pool. It was 30 seconds long. You know why? Because that's the maximum amount of time you can depict yourself having fun in an above ground pool.

I saw a commercial for an above ground pool. It was 30 seconds long. You know why? Because that's the maximum amount of time you can depict yourself having fun in an above ground poolImage: Chris Grazioli via Flickr
2

Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus or just a really cool opotamus?

Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus or just a really cool opotamus?Image: wikipedia
1

I want to hang a map of the world in my house, and then I’m gonna put pins into all the locations that I’ve traveled to. But first, I’m gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map, so it won’t fall down.

I want to hang a map of the world in my house, and then I’m gonna put pins into all the locations that I’ve traveled to. But first I’m gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map, so it won’t fall down.Image: pixabay


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