As they say, the smart criminals go into politics and business. The rest? They go to jail. Well, today we’re going to meet some of the world’s dumbest robbers and see how they pulled off the funniest crimes ever. These are the world’s dumbest criminal stories committed by the 25 dumbest criminals ever caught.
In 2008, Ruben walked into a muffler shop with the intent of robbing it. Unfortunately for Ruben, only the manager (who wasn’t there at the time) could open the safe. So Ruben, being the canny criminal that he is, left his phone number with the employee and instructed him to call when the manager came back. The employee then called the police. They instructed the employee to call Ruben and tell him the manager had returned. Poor Ruben was in for a surprise!
Although he wasn’t a robber or a thief, 18-year-old David was caught by the Royal Canadian Mounted Police in the town of Stettler for drunk driving. While sitting in the back of the patrol car, he apparently tried to eat his underwear. He thought it would absorb the alcohol in his stomach and allow him to pass the breathalyzer test.
Mohammad Ashan was a Taliban commander in Afghanistan. That is, until he turned himself in to collect the $100 reward that was being offered for his capture. Apparently the Taliban doesn’t pay very well at all!
The Derbyshire Dozen
Well, it was actually more than a dozen. It was 19 criminals in all. So what happened you ask? These British criminals tried to evade the law for various crimes, so the Derbyshire police came up with an interesting plan. Undercover police sent the criminals messages telling them they won free beer. Unable to resist, they showed up at the “pick up spot” to find police officers instead of beer cans.
Frank E. Blake Jr.
When Frank’s second and third wives both showed up to visit him a Virginia jail, police realized that he hadn’t divorced his second wife before marrying his 3rd wife. They then realized that he hadn’t divorced his 1st wife either. Frank’s polygamy ended up adding some time to his sentence.
Usually people try to break out of jail. In Florida though, they try to break into jail. After getting high on flakka (a synthetic stimulant), this Indian County resident tried to drive his car into the local jail. Apparently, he just wanted to visit his friends. Well, he’ll have plenty of time to do that now!
The Bear Suit Guy
Although police in Anchorage, Alaska still haven’t managed to identify any suspects, they are looking for a man who allegedly went around harassing bears…while wearing a bear suit. Either way, it doesn’t seem like the situation will end well for the bear suit guy. He might actually be better of getting arrested…for his own good.
Reliford Cooper, III
After leading police on a high speed chase through Manatee County, Florida, Reliford was eventually arrested. His excuse for the reckless behavior? His dog was driving the car. Of course, no dog was anywhere to be found.
Shortly after Klaus pulled out his gun to rob a bank in Berlin, Germany, the staff noticed something strange. Klaus wasn’t responding to their questions unless he was looking directly at them. One of the employees deduced that Klaus must be deaf and pulled the alarm. Sure enough, Klaus remained oblivious. To make the story even more unbelievable, he ended up trying to sue the bank because it “exploited” his disability.
In 2010, Pittsburgh resident Dennis Hawkins tried to rob a bank wearing a blonde wig, fake breasts, and clown pants. To make things even worse for our amateur crook, while making his getaway, the dye from the money exploded and got all over him. Needless to say, he stood out from a mile away.
The Banana Bandit
Okay, so she’s not really a bandit, but an unnamed Swedish woman from Skåne ended up being fined because she ran onto a bus and attacked driver Zekerija Velagic with a banana. Her reason? He almost ran over her.
Here's My Gun
Although we don’t know his name, in 2012, a robber tried to hold up the Halifax Bank in the City of London. When he was about to give his bag to the cashier to fill up with cash, he accidentally handed over his gun. After quickly realizing his silly mistake, the thief took off on a bank worker’s bike.
In 2015, this St. Peters, Missouri teenager robbed Debora Matthews’s house with two friends who were minors. (Names of minors aren’t normally released.) One of their pieces of loot looked like cocaine, so they tasted it. What they didn’t realize was that it was the ashes of Mrs. Matthew’s grandfather. Even crazier? The two minors were actually related to Mrs. Matthews and her grandfather.
In February 2013, Darren was scoping out houses that he could rob in Abington, UK. He eventually found the perfect target. As he broke in to do his dirty deed, he stumbled across a house full of police officers. What he hadn’t realized was that this exact house had been broken into less than an hour ago and the police were still there.
There are a lot of silly things a would-be robber can leave behind at the scene of a crime. Possibly the worst would be a birth certificate. However, 26-year-old Zachary of Boston did just that when he snatched $40 from a woman in 2013. In the process of fleeing the scene, he left behind a couple bags which contained his birth certificate…along with a note from his mother too. He’s probably grounded for a while.
Renaud ‘Junior’ Plaisir
After breaking into a Manchester, New Hampshire home, Renaud found some chicken wings in the refrigerator. He decided to help himself and fell asleep on the couch after a long day of robbery. Unfortunately for Renaud, he overslept. The owner of the house wasn’t very happy with him. These days Renaud has plenty of time to catch up on lost sleep in a jail cell.
In 2015, Christopher decided to do some petty theft in Pierce Pond, Maine. The police eventually found him hiding in his closet because he had been sharing photos of his loot on snapchat.
Okay, without saying anything about this guy’s name, in 2014, Mganga decided to try stealing a car from a woman in Omaha, Nebraska. Unfortunately for Mganga, the car was a manual (something he was unfamiliar with). He tried desperately for seven minutes to start the car after which the police showed up and arrested him.
In 2010, Albert decided to rob a store in Connecticut. His plan? Call the store in advance so that they can have the money ready and Albert can make his escape. Albert’s plan was nearly perfect except for the one obvious flaw… the police waiting outside when Albert came around to pick up his cash.
When the Texas native showed up in front of the White House carrying a backpack full of ammo, he was surprised to be arrested. Apparently he was just going to “shoot a couple of rounds.”
A California resident, Michelle was arrested for forging prescriptions. During her trial, she brought in a doctor’s note to delay her sentencing. It turned out to be a forgery.
The Donkey Thieves
Of course, no serious bank robber would ever consider using a donkey as a getaway vehicle. They’re way too slow and unreliable. Well, that didn’t stop a band of thieves in Juan de Acosta, Colombia. First they stole Xavi (the donkey); then they tried to steal the cash. Unfortunately for the thieves, Xavi didn’t cooperate and ended up running away with the loot attached to his back.
Houston resident LaDondrell was being sentenced to life in prison for armed robbery when his attorney uncovered some very critical evidence…he was in jail at the time of the crime. Although he had insisted on his innocence, LaDondrell had failed to recall that one critical fact.
When Pennsylvania robber Philome decided to represent himself in court, he caused the jury to break out into laughter after asking a witness what the robber sounded like. “He sounded like you,” came the surprising response.
Levi Charles Reardon
After the city of Great Falls, Montana posted a wanted image on their facebook page for Levi on charges of forgery, our brilliant mastermind decided to “like” the post. Not surprisingly, he was arrested a few weeks later.
Want more? Check out 25 Stupid Criminals Who Got Caught For Ridiculous Reasons.
Photos: Feature image: shutterstock, 25. shutterstock, 24-20. pixabay (public domain), 19. Roger H. Goun via flickr, CC BY 2.0, 18. publicdomainpictures.net, 17. wikimedia commons (public domain), 16-14. pixabay (public domain), 13. Hustvedt, Pyrodex powder ffg, CC BY-SA 3.0, 12. Chris Yarzab, LAPD Staples Center Officers, CC BY 2.0, 11. shutterstock, 10-1. pixabay (public domain)