25 Things You Need to Survive the Zombie Apocalypse

Posted by on March 26, 2012

We don’t want to beat around the bush with this one as we know that some of you reading this have probably waited for far too long and are now trying to desperately increase your chances of survival by googling for the things you need (good job on finding an internet connection by the way!). For the rest of you, your foresight is commendable and will likely serve you well in the future, but regardless of how hopeless your position is we are here to help you, and on that note these are the 25 things you need to survive the zombie apocalypse.

25

Gun

It should go without saying but you will absolutely need one of these. While we suggest a shotgun, sniper rifles and crossbows are also good options. Just remember that each one has its drawbacks. Shotguns are relatively easy to get your hands on as every Wal-Mart stocks them (if you can’t find a Wal-Mart though, just find a redneck, they’ll probably have several). Sniper rifles and crossbows can be a bit harder to find but its well worth it if you don’t want to get zombie guts on your clothes. Otherwise you’ll probably be interested in…

24

Goggles

Guts on your clothes are one thing but guts in your eye are another. It’s also absolutely critical that your eyewear have a solid elastic strap because there’s nothing worse than stabbing a zombie in the face after a picture perfect ninja roll only to have his guts explode in your eye because your goggles came off. Style points are always a plus though which brings us to…

23

Katana

It’s inevitable, you will eventually run out of ammunition. Just don’t panic. Although any blunt object will do samurai swords come highly recommended. Designed to sever spines with a flick of the wrist, zombies shouldnÕt be too much of a problem.

22

Vehicle

With all of these weapons hanging from your belt walking around is bound to be a hassle. Although there are numerous options available to you, tanks and monster trucks are probably going to be your best bets. Whatever you do though, avoid school busses!!! Anyone who’s ever seen a zombie movie knows how frustrating it is to always watch people die because they think that driving around town in a bus is a good idea. Busses are slow, they can’t go off road, and there are always zombies hiding under the seats.

21

Respirator

Depending on the type of outbreak, the virus may be airborne. Even if it isn’t though, keep in mind that you are going to be slashing your way through hordes of rotting dead people. Trust us…your nose will thank you.

20

Energy Drinks

As bad as they are for you, being eaten in your sleep by zombies is arguably worse. In fact, sleeping at all is probably not a good idea. Especially not with perpetually conscious brain suckers on your trail.

19

Crowbar

Busting through doors like a boss is going to be very important in terms of survival. Not only will you often find yourself with your back literally up against the door but wasting ammunition to bust through it is a bit silly when you could just use a crowbar.

18

Astronaut Food

Once the zombies take over most of the fresh food in the world will spoil quickly. Although your first reaction may be to go for the canned goods…don’t. They’re too heavy and will weigh you down. Your only real option is going to be astronaut food. It might taste kind of bad but if it can sustain people in space then it can sustain people anywhere.

17

Water Purifier

You’re going to be doing a lot of running across rooftops, jumping over trash cans, and sliding beneath closing garage doors in the nick of time – don’t ask why, that’s just the way it is. Proper hydration therefore is a must. Besides, it would be utterly embarrassing to die of thirst in a zombie apocalypse.

16

Hideout

Not having a hideout in a zombie apocalypse is like playing russian roulette with uzis – its just a bad idea. With that said, we know what you’re thinking – I’ll just go find myself an island. That’s fine, zombies can’t swim and islands are hard to access, but just remember though – if something is hard to get to then it’s also hard to get away from…and zombies have been known to float. So choose wisely.

15

Toilet Paper

When you do finally do find that perfect hideout you will want to start stockpiling which should consists of mostly of two things – astronaut food and toilet paper. Think about it. In a post apocalyptic world people start to yearn for those creature comforts of old and inevitably things like toilet paper become precious commodities. It’s the currency of the future…

14

Rope

From lassoing zombies to rigging traps around your hideout we cannot stress this point enough. You will need rope and lots of it. Besides, how will you tie the traitors up in the barn when they try to run away with all of the astronaut food?

13

Dog

Unlike your humans companions, Fido won’t try to steal any food, in fact he’ll probably warn you when it comes time to tie someone else up. Moreover, dogs make excellent zombie detection systems but use caution – zombified dogs are like evil superheroes – beatable, but just barely.

12

Night Vision

While all the other survivors go around boasting about how bright their maglites are, allow us to make a suggestion. Find yourself some high quality night vision goggles so you can watch them get mauled from the bushes.

11

Another Gun

You can never ever have enough of these…ever. In fact, unless you’re driving or performing CPR you should always be dual wielding.

David Pegg

About

After helping found the United Nations, the United States, and United Airlines, David consigned himself to a transient life of writing lists and sleeping on park benches.

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  • Kurushimi

    25. In a zombie apocalypse, you may find that something loud (any gun, really) may be a very bad idea. A crossbow is actually the best option there, as bolts are not as easily damaged as arrows, and the bow takes more training to use efficiently.

    24. Yeah, goggles are always nice.

    23. Not without training. As with the bow, it’s just not worth it. Something like a spear would be much more efficient, and easier to use.

    22. Monster truck? Tank? You do realize petroleum production is going to stop pretty soon if a zombie apocalypse happens, right?

    21. No complaints.

    20. I could go into neurology and psychology about this, but not sleeping contains an inevitable problem, whereas sleeping is just a potential problem. Get some rest, or you won’t be very useful.

    19. No arguments there.

    18. I honestly can’t say much for this one, but if you actually do have a vehicle of any kind, then canned goods will not be a problem – in fact, if you do both, you’ll have a bigger stockpile and more variety.

    17. If you’re in a zombie apocalypse and don’t know the basics of manually purifying water, you’re screwed either way. Don’t rely on one piece of equipment, learn how to do what it does and you won’t have to lug it around. Besides, water purifiers often function on electricity, something you won’t have much of.

    16. Funny thing about that, the best hideout would probably be somewhere zombies won’t go. But what do we really know about where zombies won’t go? They won’t go to very warm climates because it will make them explode. They won’t go to very cold climates, because it will make them lose any mobility they once had. I’d suggest a warm climate that still allows for plant growth, like the Mediterranean, or anything like it you can find.

    15. Anyone that’s obsessed about toilet paper probably won’t make it. It’ll provide some situational comfort, but other than that it’s bulky and not really worth lugging around.

    14. Rope is always handy, not much to say about it.

    13. A dog in a zombie apocalypse is basically an autonomous extra food storage. With that in mind, I’d suggest a horse instead. It can help you carry stuff, it eats plants you can’t, and it’s emergency food if you need it.

    12. I don’t know enough to decide either way on this.

    11. No. Two weapons won’t double your efficiency, it’ll reduce it because you lose accuracy, especially if it’s something like a shotgun or a rifle, where you need two hands to use it properly. Only shots that hit something will count when your life is on the line.

    10. Epinephrine is certainly useful, especially if you’ve got allergies.

    9. Doesn’t sound like a need at all.

    8. Zombies aren’t the only things you can see in binoculars. It’ll be very useful for hunting, if animals are unaffected.

    7. Helmets are useful, yeah.

    6. Flint is also a good thing to have, but it’s difficult to use. Get a bunch of cigarette lighters as well.

    5. All problems can be solved with duct tape and WD40. Duct tape for things that move but shouldn’t, and WD40 for things that don’t move but should.

    4. Shovels are pretty nice to have.

    3. Yeah, radios are useful, but only if you have the necessary infrastructure.

    2. Friends are important for more reasons than that. They are also very important for your sanity, for one.

    1. I’m not so sure about this one.

  • concerned ciztetion

    I think that everything you mentioned should be top priority. hears a suggestion,the world should make universal symbols in case zombie out break acurs. it shouldn’t be to complex because paint might be hard to get, but not to simple so we know it was meant to be there.
    (symbols for -safe zones -infected area -claimed territory)

    plus something everyone should consider is the first day everyone is gona use cars so lots of streets will be blocked off due to crashes. Everyone will go for the big stores and ppl with guns will take them over first. infection would spread fast due to panic and origin of infection.
    cells phones and electricity may or may not work. Military bases are already locked down, the moment the infection begins. There will always be those ppl who kill other ppl for the sake of there survival, and the ones who lie about infection.

  • shadowkillanzombz

    u know wat would help u 2 survive? being immortal

  • Ezio

    You want to keep moving unless you want to get surrounded by zombies and starve

  • austin

    i have a large list much bigger then this. if you want to realy survive you need alot of research i have over 300 needed items and a vehicle to take it because walking is death waiting to happen.

    • AUguy

      Why so many weapons, if you live in Australia like me it’s very hard to get guns and 2 other highly essential things are medical supplies and a backpack, dogs are not a good idea . Plus the most probable explanation for a zombie apocalypse would be a parasite that transfers parasites through saliva

  • Hildita

    A quite useless and inconsistent list. Where did the ’25 things you need to survive but oops – not the chain saw as it’ll get you killed’ come from? Epi pen… honestly – just being more than one person (as in having someone being awake and watching should be enough. A first aid kit might be more important. What of a knife? Helmet… honestly – did you even THINK about it or just take stereotypical stuff and put a list together? While zombies normally goes ‘brains’ in movies – they just need to bite so all a helmet will do it add more weight that will slow one down (and be more tiring) which in essence makes one more vulnerable. In fact ‘be in good shape’ should be quite important (and not just ‘friends who are slower’). Toilet paper… honestly – while it makes things more comfy – moss can be used (and probably more) so its not really all that important if survival is the main focus. Normally the lists are interesting – this one… is not even funny (or remotely interesting). a name like ’25 things to take into consideration if you want to survive a zombie apocalypse’ would have been far more fitting (though that is not perfect either).

    Also – being or being with a survival specialist might also be a brilliant idea (as there are less people in the wilderness, and one would be able to spend less time in densely populated areas (or more that WERE densely populated with people now turned into zombies) = heightened chance of survival). … Seen far better lists and this is just a blemish on an otherwise fairly decent page of lists.

  • justin

    hey i like to say that dogs even though i hate to say it are the worst thing to have at that point think about it u come to a corner there are a horde o zombies on the other side of the wall the dog barks your position is given up you cant just kill all the zombies and u cant run………… even if u had the dogs mouth taped shut it will wine even the most trained dogs will alert their owners by a bark or wine..

  • Baboo

    Spider-Man ..
    ()

  • The ultimate program

    When it happins just remember this if you can.
    So see you when it happins if you get luck.
    I’ll survive my uncle has a gun room he go’s hunting.

  • zombieready

    Thank you for the expert, yet simply stated minicourse in zombie defense. I will be sure to tell all of my friends, and most of my relatives about this informative sight. I feel I am much better prepared to add several weeks to my horrible life, filled with insomnia, and zombie interaction.

  • Daisy

    How am i supposed to carry all this stuff?!

  • patrick

    What about flashlights and batteries plus ammunition

  • Luhan

    Wow…. really a zombie apocalypse? I’m from Korea. Baka&$%@&$74*–

  • theawesomekooldude

    no, no, no thats all wrong. what u need 4 a zombie apocalapse is of course a gun but what type of gun? how will it be hard to find a sniper rifle? it wont because eneryone will be dead u can take the guns u want from the military base, meanwhile while your fighting the zombies off with a uzi or an glock 20 find an assult rifle, go to the stores get first aid kits and yes katanas will work too, get some knives, get canned goods chocolate bars doritos whatever, but before all of this the first thing u need 2 do is get some TRUST WORTHY FRIENDS and go to the dealer and get at least 3 SUVS or hummers and lock them before driving, run all the zombies over and u can get the food and the other freind can get the gasoline and the other freind can get the guns. u all agree to meet back at the boating dock in about an hour, keep phones so if theres a problem you can call the other freinds to help you. like it said zombies cant swim so after you meet at the dock find a boat and fill it up with gas and load it with the supplies and ride it 2 miles off shore the boat can be your hideout and when u run out of food or supplies take turns getting the supplies

    • Mr. McNasty

      Good idea; however, I wouldn’t split up especially in to groups of one. What if someone doesn’t return to the dock in an hour? Now you have to fight your way back to where they were supposed to be getting supplies risking yours and everyone’s life. All Im saying is you should hunt together so you maintain 360 degree security at all times. The mission will take longer but in the end everyone will be alive, it would suck to loose all your friends in an Apocalypse.

    • justin

      first i like to say how do u propose to get into a military base first of all if they are all infected they are all trap inside second how do u plan on going in and out u will be trapped to the only way for you or anyone else in that matter to get in one is to have a group and burn first then open fire until it seems clear then u send a small group in to flush em out what ever is left with live bate then the rest of the group covers your back and gets rid of the zombies off your back then u still got a 1 out of 5 chance of turning is someone is a min off on the assault. or u could be like me and pick some off from a distance but that would take to log may i suggest if u try that use a bow and arrow and shoot the farthest zombie away so the others look in that direction and then hit them hard or try to be fast and sneak past… your Ida isn’t horrible its just not full prof no plan is once its in action but yours has allot of holes in it.

  • DeVViiiiNN

    zombies teeth aren’t dull once people are zombified the will have razor sharp teeth so ur better off with with thick leather with thin metal plating [: :p

    • DEVVIINN

      I would also like a death machine (aka minigun) from cod black ops o: [: /: _¨ &:

    • mr black op

      i agree withe Devin a death machine and stuff would be cool but what if there were perk a colas and mystery box there

      • tiq

        true that will be awsome i allready repaired so im ready to survie

  • Me

    I’m going to laugh at everybody sweating to death trying to run from zombies in wet suits…

  • tamara

    Im pretty shur all be ready i watch walking dead and i take zombie test

  • Uknowwwho

    wata bout
    * Medicine
    *THick and light protection from zombie bires like maybe a leather jacket or wet suits?
    *Stun Gun. It might not kill them but it will at least stun them fro a while
    *Multi tool
    *Bag to carry equipment and supplies like maybe an Alice Pack
    *First Aid
    theres a ton more things u could add

  • Mark

    Cruelly some are very thick. They are called dry suits and are use to dive in the Antarctic waters. The suit will prevent saliva from a zombie entering he blood stream

  • Jennifer

    Wet suits are somewhat thin you can still get really cold in them however not too cold. Zombies have rather dull rotting teeth so if they do bite you it shouldn’t penetrate anything on the first gnaw.
    -ZombiesGone4Life

  • jennifer stewart

    yep oh and zombie free zones to

  • Morgan :)

    WoW you are pre pared i have a good watch dog he will no when there comin

  • Jim

    You have not made arrange for bodily waste disposal. May I suggest you store drinking waster in containers with lid. After the water is used in each container, it can be used for bodily waste and to contain odors and bacteria.

  • Mark

    May I add one thing that is missing is a wet suit. It will enable you to take bites from zombies without the teeth penetrating, wet suits that cover 95 % of the body will be best