25 Things Every Man Should Know How To Do

Posted by on November 8, 2011

Its quite sad really. For centuries “man-knowledge” was held in the highest esteem, guarded by an elite group knowledge guarders who ensured that men everywhere had easy access to the latest philosophies of manhood, or something like that. Ok, that might sound a bit Dan Brownish but it gets the point across. Modern man has lost his way in a maze of knowledge, not really sure how to tell what information is critical and what is unecessary. So, we are here to help. This is a list of 25 things every man should know how to do:
25

Build a fire

25

Hands down the manliest thing you will ever do in your life. Just remember…tinder, kindling, fuel.

24

Chop down a tree

24

The key here is to have an escape path. As soon as the tree starts to fall…use it.

23

Jumpstart a car

23

Of all the skills on our list, this is the one that you will be tested on most often. 2 cables, red=positive, don’t forget to ground.

22

Parallel park

22

Once you go for it…commit. The key is to never give up, at least if you want to be able to show your face in that part of town ever again.

21

Change oil

21

Granted, although this will probably only save you 5 dollars, man points are priceless! Just make sure you don’t bleed the transmission fluid.


20

Escape a sinking car

20

Although you may never actually find yourself in a situation requiring this skill, every time you cross a bridge you can enlighten your passengers as to what to do in case of structural failure…while simultaneously increasing your manliness.

19

Read an electric meter

19

Possibly the most confusing thing you will ever do in your life. It may just be best to see # 1.

18

Break up a fight

18

This is a sure-fire way to fill your tank of manliness. Not only are you standing in the middle of harms way, you are a responsible and mature adult. In spite of your flawless character, however, the nature of the situation leads us to our next point…

17

Fight

17

While this doesn’t mean signing up for karate lessons, any man worth his salt should be able to defend himself. And because you count yourself in that number it would probably behoove you to know…

16

CPR

16

Although it seems to always be changing, the key is to push hard and fast. And no matter what…don’t stop. Not surprisingly this leads us into our next skill…

15

Remove blood from fabric

15

You are a man and therefore well acquainted with the affinity blood has for your clothing. Just remember, no hot water!

14

Heimlich maneuver

14

Real men save others from impending doom, which involves opening obstructed airways. Just hug them from behind and squeeze the life into them.

13

Tie a tie

13

Just like tying your shoes makes you a human, tying your tie makes you a man.

12

Change a flat

12

Loosen bolts, jack car, remove bolts, remove tire, attach new tire, reattach bolts, lower car, tighten bolts, claim man points.

11

Point north

11

You should never not know where you are. A real man could find his way to the north pole blindfolded.

10

Sew a button

10

You probably thought we were messing around…and you were right. Men don’t sew, they use superglue. We just thought we’d clarify for all the people who seem to think otherwise.

9

Recite the military alphabet

9

26 easy man points

8

Fix a toilet

8

Unfortunately they smell bad and break often. Slightly more fortunately they’re not that mechanically complicated. Anyone with a Y chromosome should be able to figure out some sort of fix. If not, however, see #10…and if still not…go to #1.

7

Choose the right urinal

7

When it comes to bathroom usage, certain things go without saying. No peeking, keep talking to a minimum and most importantly, choose the correct urinal. The first one in should never choose the middle, in fact, the one farthest from the door is the only choice. After that, however, it’s like riding the London Underground. Try to leave as many spots open between you and the next person as possible.

6

Talk their way out of a traffic ticket

6

Ideally you should be able to talk your way out of anything, but traffic tickets are the bare minimum. Just in case negotiations turn sour, however, you may benefit from knowing how to…

5

Look good in pictures

5

That’s right. You should never look bad…especially when your image is immortalized on the pages of a scrapbook. Similarly, every guy should be able to…

4

Hold their own on the dance floor

4

The robot does not count, neither does the worm, or the dirty bird. Your manliness should dominate the dance floor, but if you must, see #1.

3

Spot a liar

3

Its all in the eyes. Trust me, I’m telling the truth.

2

Speed read

2

Reading is for girls. Unless it has something to do with MMA or ice hockey you don’t want to get caught in the act. Solution? Do it quickly, when no ones looking.

1

Pretend you know what you’re doing

1

The be all end all. Once mastered, there is (almost) nothing that can stop you – an inextinguishable force of manliness impressing its manly will upon its subjects. Be careful though, a lesser man, armed with the knowledge of #3 is your Achilles Heel.

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