It’s tough to be a celebrity. The cameras are always on, the paparazzi are always present, and every move they make and every word they say is incessantly scrutinized. While celebrity publicists and public relations teams make sure to carefully craft their image – whether it be kind and wholesome, wild and festive, or smooth and suave – sometimes celebrities can slip up and say some pretty ridiculous things. These hilarious celebrity quotes go to show that you can change somebody’s image but you can never entirely change who they are.
In this list, we’ve compiled some of the funniest celebrity quotes from our time. Whether it’s Kid Rock on his plan to make every American go to church, Arnold Schwarzenegger on his beliefs regarding gay marriage, or Lil Wayne on highly effective study habits, the hilarious quotes on this list are guaranteed to make you laugh. (We particularly like Tina Fey’s quote at #24 and Jack Nicholson’s laughable quote at #10.) While we might expect to hear silly quotes from celebrities we know as less cerebral, some of the most popular and dignified celebrities of our day have also made the cut. See if you favorite celebrity has said something funny enough to make our list of 25 Ridiculous Celebrity Quotes To Make You Chuckle.
“It’s really hard to maintain a one-on-one relationship if the other person is not going to allow me to be with other people.”
“I wish I could trade my heart for another liver so I could drink more and care less.”
“I like women. I don’t understand them, but I like them.”
“I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.”
“Is this chicken or is this fish? I know it’s tuna but it says ‘Chicken of the Sea’.”
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“This (Oscar statue) is the only naked man that will ever be in my bedroom.”
“I won’t go into a big spiel about reincarnation, but the first time I was in the Gucci store in Chicago was the closest I’ve ever felt to home.”
“I can’t belive my grand mothers making me take Out the garbage I’m rich f*** this I’m going home I don’t need this s***.” (sic)
“I am truly not one to give advice. I’m divorced, and I stole my best friend’s husband.”
“I think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman.”
“I liked Michael Jackson better dark. And I liked his nose a lot better, too. If he has any more taken off, I don’t know how he’s gonna breathe.”
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“I didn’t have a big fat Greek wedding, but I have a lot of fat Greek friends.”
“I’ve never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don’t like eating fish. And I know that’s very popular out there in Africa.”
“I can’t sing, I can’t dance, I’m dumb, I’m a hillbilly, but I can twerk, so whatever.”
“If I was president of the good old U.S.A., I’d turn the churches into strip clubs and watch the whole world pray.”
“I hate when people say ‘Nice to meet you’ before I’ve even said anything. How do you know it’s nice to meet me? I’m an asshole.”
“I wouldn’t feel right wearing clothes covering my body.”
“The best activities for your health are pumping and humping.”
“What’s Wal-Mart? Do they sell, like wall stuff?”
“If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it?“
Geri Halliwell (Ginger Spice)
“First my mother was Spanish. Then she became a Jehovah’s Witness.”
“Run for office? No. I’ve slept with too many women, I’ve done too many drugs, and I’ve been to too many parties.”
“I learned this from a college graduate. She’d smoke a joint the night before a test, while she was studying, and then again in the morning, and everything she had read would come right back. I tried this five times, and I swear to God, I’ve never made less than a 92.”
“I’m tired of people not treating me like the gift that I am.”
“Why do people say ‘Grow some balls’? Balls are weak and sensitive. If you really want to get tough, grow a vagina – those things take a pounding!”
Enjoy this list? Check out 25 Insanely Dumb Celebrity Quotes You Won’t Believe Were Spoken.