25 Of The Best One Liners You Have Ever Heard

Posted by , Updated on April 1, 2016

One liners are great. You can use them everywhere. Parties, school, work…they’re guaranteed to make you the coolest cat in town. Okay, that may be a bit of an exaggeration, but there is something about a well placed one liner that can completely change the mood of a conversation. Often they can be a great way to diffuse awkwardness, reduce tension, or just elicit some laughs. If you’re really good, it will probably take people a few minutes to get it and some might not get the joke at all. The difference between one liners and typical jokes is that one liners are just that – one line. Usually a statement or an observation, the joke often involves some sort of word play or irony. The key to making a good one liner work is to fit it into the conversation seamlessly. This means that you always have to be on the lookout for opportunities to drop your joke, at least in the beginning. As time goes on you’ll get more natural and even start surprising yourself at how good you’ve become. At any rate, even if you never use them one liners make for good fun. These are 25 of the best one liners you have ever heard!

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Featured Image: raphaelstrada via Flickr

25

You don't need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.

You don't need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.Source: thoughtcatalog, Image: wikipedia
24

Working in a mirror factory is something I can totally see myself doing

Working in a mirror factory is something I can totally see myself doingSource: reddit, Image: wikipedia
23

I, for one, like Roman numerals

I, for one, like Roman numeralsSource: reddit, Image: pixabay
22

I broke my finger last week. On the other hand, I'm ok.

I broke my finger last week. On the other hand, I'm ok.Source: thoughtcatalog, Image: pixabay
21

My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban at the zoo

My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban at the zooSource: thoughtcatalog, Image: wikipedia

20

A magician was going down a road and turned into a driveway

A magician was going down a road and turned into a drivewaySource: buzzfeed, Image: wikipedia
19

How long is a Chinese name

How long is a Chinese nameSource: reddit, Image: wikipedia
18

Last week a hypnotist convinced me that I'm a soft malleable metal with an atomic number of 82. I'm easily lead.

Last week a hypnotist convinced me that I'm a soft malleable metal with an atomic number of 82. I'm easily lead.Source: thoughtcatalog, Image: wikipedia
17

Ikea has sponsored our local school. Now assembly takes ages.

Ikea has sponsored our local school. Now assembly takes ages.Source: thoughtcatalog, Image: wikipedia
16

No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationary

No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationarySource: buzzfeed, Image: wikipedia
15

Two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights did make an airplane

Two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights did make an airplaneSource: reddit, Image: wikipedia
14

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machineSource: thoughtcatalog, Image: wikipedia
13

The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large

The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at largeSource: thoughtcatalog, Image: wikipedia
12

He who hesitates is not only lost, but also miles away from the next exit

He who hesitates is not only lost, but also miles away from the next exitSource: thoughtcatalog, Image: wikipedia
11

A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering

A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for litteringSource: buzzfeed, Image: wikipedia
10

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of itSource: thoughtcatalog, Image: wikipedia
9

I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger, and then it hit me

I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger, and then it hit meSource: thoughtcatalog, Image: wikipedia
8

The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran

The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteranSource: reddit, Image: wikipedia
7

Never moon a werewolf

Never moon a werewolfSource: thoughtcatalog, Image: wikipedia
6

Always speak well of your enemies. After all, you made them

Always speak well of your enemies. After all, you made themSource: buzzfeed, Image: Matt Watts via Flickr
5

You know what they say about cliffhangers....

You know what they say about cliffhangers....Source: thoughtcatalog, Image: pixabay
4

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.Source: thoughtcatalog, Image: pixabay
3

You're not fat, you're just... easier to see.

You're not fat, you're just... easier to see.Source: reddit, Image: public-domain-image.com
2

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.Source: thoughtcatalog
1

You know you're ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.

You know you're ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.Source: buzzfeed, Image: pixabay

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