While today we have MMA, the Greeks had something known as Pankration. The goal of this bloody, one-on-one, anything goes fist fight was to bring your opponent as close to death without actually killing them. If you did happen to accidently kill them then you would automatically forfeit the match as any dead fighter was instantly declared the victor.
Imagine two groups of guys each hopping into their boats, rowing out into the nile, and proceeding to beat the crap out of each other with their oars. Like the Roman gladiatorial games this often took place before the Pharoah and many times the bloody mess would entice crocodiles and hippos to enter the fray.
It’s hard to say whether this ancient death match was worse for the slaves or the animals recruited to fight them. In fact, the Romans were so intrigued with pitting humans against animals that on the inauguration of the colloseum over 9,000 beasts were killed. Very often, however, the humans met a similar fate.
Although NASCAR certainly has its dangers, chariot racing was little more than a death match with a finish line. In fact, it was almost impossible to win without being seriously injured and the life expectancy of most racers was increcibly low.
Nguni Stick Fighting
One of the few sports on this list that is actually still practiced today, the name of this game just about sums things up. The Zulus would essentially beat the crap out of each other with sticks. Although people seldom died, the participants would often walk away with numerous scars that they would wear like badges of honor.
If you’ve seen Russel Crowe in the Gladiator then you know how blood thirsty the crowd in the colloseum could be. Often times the organizers of these games would come up with new and unusual ways for the gladiators to kill themselves, one of which we’ll see in a moment.
It seems as though Hawaii has always been know for surfing. While today it mostly involves waves, in the past ancient Hawaiians used mountains. In fact, the name of this pastime means “slide into the pit”. For thousands of years the islanders would essentially “surf” down the side of volcanos until the sport was stopped 200 years ago due to being so dangerous. Recenlty there have been several attempts to revive it.
Once again taking place in the colloseum, the name of this event roughly translates to “naval warfare”. The Romans would fill the arena with water, add a bunch of war ships and recreate famous naval battles. It has been said that the spectacle was so violent that by the end of it the ships that hadn’t sunk seemed as though they had been painted red.
Played by Native Americans, this game wasn’t nearly as violent as the others on this list although losers were sometimes known to commit suicide. The game itself was relatively simple and involved rolling a large stone across the ground as participants threw spears at it.
One of the oldest bloodsports (any activity that involves pitting animals against one another) in the world, cockfighting typically meant having two specially bred birds fight one another with specially designed barbs on their feet.
Consisting of two people kicking each other in the shins this simple sport has been practiced in England for hundreds of years. Although it’s not lethal, having someone repeatedly bash you in your shins can definitely be considered hardcore.
The official sport of Argentina, pato was originally played with a live duck, although after many government interventions participants now use a ball instead. With players on horseback it’s something of a cross between polo and basketball, the objective being to the get the ball to its own side. These days its not nearly as violent as it use to be.
If you can imagine trying to wrestle 7 people while holding your breath then you can get a feeling for what kabaddi is all about. As one of the oldest sports in Southern Asia, kabaddi is essentially a giant wrestling match between two teams. The twist, however, is that only one member of each team can cross into the other team’s territory at a time and while doing so he or she must refrain from breathing.
Although today it is practiced around the world, this lethal martial art was born on the ancient battlefields of what is today known as Thailand. Commonly referred to as the “Art of Eight Limbs” practitioners use not just their feet and hands but their elbows and knees as well.
Spartans hated sports. To be honest they thought sports were for sissies. In fact, Tyrtaios, the great Spartan war poet even wrote about how unimpressive athletic achievement was. According to him “a man is not good in warfare unless he dares look upon bloody slaughter” and to a Spartan if you aren’t good in warfare then you aren’t worth the air you breathe. It was for this reason that most of the Spartan “competitions” were so mindboggingly brutal.
Viking Skin Pulling
Essentially one big game of tug-of-war, the Vikings preferred using animal skin over rope and playing over a huge fire pit. Usually the winners would walk away with the spoils of the town they had just plundered which often included rape-rights to the women. As you may have guessed the losers become intimately acquainted with the fire pit.
Although this sport is still popular in parts of Central America, the original game created by the Mayans is hands down probably the most insane sport on this list if not all of human history. Something like basketball, the players would bounce the balls off their hips and attempt to the get the ball through a hoop attached to the wall. The crazy part? Many times the balls were constructed out of human skulls. And in case you were wondering where they got the skulls from, all you’d have to do to find out is stick around until the end of the match. Let’s just say the losers make a donation…